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invention Jokes

invention Jokes and more.
Knight Puns
In the medieval ages, many knights had to travel throughout day and night. In order to increase their visibility in darkness, they invented a device known as the knightvision goggles.
The Best Senior Games
Lately there has been talk about inventing some more fun games for seniors. After all, we're the ones with all the free time! Some suggestions: Sag, You’re it. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy. Questions Shouted into your Good Ear. Kick the Bucket. Red Rover, Red Rover, The Nurse Says Bend Over. Doc, Doc Goose. Simon Says Something Incoherent. Hide and Go Pee Spin the Bottle of Mylanta and last but not least - A Fun round of Musical Recliners!
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes
"The Thankstini: A fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube. Tastes just like a turkey dinner." -Barney Stinson, How I Met Your Mother
Funny Marriage Quotes
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly
Family Puns
Karl Marx is an historically famous figure, but nobody ever mentions his sister...
Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.
Baseball Puns
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Greek vs. Italian
Two old men are arguing about history and the splendors of Athens and Rome. the Greek man says "Look, all I'm saying is that the Greeks invented everything the Romans get credit for!" The Italian says "Yes, may be, but the Romans improved it and made it useful!" The Greek man says "We invented the Democracy!" The Italian says "We realized the challenge of direct elections and the benefit of the legislature, and thus created the Republic!" The Greek man says "Yes, but we created beautiful architecture like the Parthenon!" The Italian says "And we improved your building techniques, and used them to create aqueducts and structures that stood for centuries longer!" The Greek man, frustrated, finally says "Ah, of course. But the Greeks, we INVENTED lovemaking!" The Italian man stops a moment to think, then says "That may be true, but WE introduced it to women!"
History Pick Up Lines
Did you invent the airplane? ‘Cause, you seem Wright to me.
Top 10 Blonde Inventions
No one can say blondes haven't done their share of inventing. Here are 10 ingenious blonde inventions: 1. The water-proof towel. 2. Solar powered flashlight. 3. Submarine screen door. 4. A book on how to read. 5. Inflatable dart board. 6. A dictionary index. 7. Ejector seat in a helicopter. 8. Powdered water. 9.Pedal-powered wheel chair. 10. Water-proof tea bag
AC Unit Puns
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
The Best Invention in the World
A soldier, a sailor and an airman were sitting together having a beer and they begin to discuss the greatest technological inventions of the modern world. "It is the laser," said the soldier, a man of obvious superior intellect. "The laser, because with it, you can determine the precise range to an enemy target, you can use it to gather important telemetry information and you can even use it for photography that is almost tri-dimensional." "No," interjected the sailor, also an intelligent person, but obviously standing in the shadow of the soldier's phenomenal mind. "It is the radar. With a radar you can track incoming aircraft and missiles, you can determine the speed of the particular vehicles that are approaching your ship and, if you use it right, you can even heat your lunch." "I disagree," said the airman, a man of, well he's an airman and all airmen are borne out of a diminishing gene pool. "The greatest invention is the thermos." "The thermos?" exclaimed the other two. "Yup, a thermos," he said. "I mean, just think about it. If you want something hot you put hot stuff in it. If you want cold, you put cold stuff in it." "Yeah, so?" quizzed the other two. "Well," said the airman, "How does it know?"
Medieval Puns
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Flight Puns
As soon as the plane was invented, things started looking up.
Jim Thinks He Can Get Any Job
Jim needs a job, and has no qualms about inventing the necessary qualifications. He reasons that once he finds work, he will impress the boss so much that everything will be forgiven. After a successful initial interview at the Encyclopedia of American History, he is called back to meet the sales manager. "You say you have experience selling books?" "Lots of it," replies Jim. "And you have a Master's in American history from the University of Michigan?" "Correct," replies Jim. "History is my field of study." "Well then," says the sales manager, "As soon as I can complete this form, we can get you started in the firm." While the sales manager is making a few notations, Jim, obviously pleased with himself, begins to whistle. Looking around the room, he notices pictures of Washington and Lincoln on the walls. Pointing to the portraits, he turns to the sales manager and says, "Fine looking men. Your partners?"
Dad Jokes
A Dutchman has invented shoes that record how many miles you've walked.
Clever clogs.
Beach Puns
I invented beach footwear for people with one leg.
It was a flop.
My Beer Is Better
At a World Brewing Convention in the United States, the CEOs of various brewing organizations retired to the bar at the end of each day's conferencing. Bruce, the boss of Fosters, shouted to the barman, 'in 'Strailya, we make the best bloody beer in the world, so pour me a Fosters, cobber.' Rob, chief of Budweiser, calls out, 'In the States, we brew the finest beers of the world, and I make the king of them all. Give me a pint of Bud.' Hans steps up next, 'In Germany we invented beer. Give me a Beck's, the real king of beers.' Up steps Dutchman Jan, chief executive of Grolsch, who states that Grolsch is the ultimate beer and asks for one with two fingers of head on top. Patrick, the CEO of Guinness, steps forward. 'Barman, give me a coke with ice please.' The other four stare at him in stunned silence with amazement written all over their faces. Eventually, Bruce asks, 'Are you not going to have a Guinness, Pat?' Patrick replies, 'Well, if you lot aren't drinking, then neither am I.'
Real Estate Puns
The man who invented the door knocker won a no-bell prize.
Respective Developments
Member nations of the UN gathered for an annual meeting of technological advancement reports. The United States ambassador stood and proudly announced, "We have developed a space craft that can fly directly into the sun!" The crowd was shocked and murmurs of "How could this be!" were heard. His assistant quickly handed him a sheet of paper, he coughed and then addressed the audience, "I'm sorry, actually, our new space craft can only fly 3 centimeters below the sun." The Japanese ambassador stood next and told the gathering, "Our Japanese scientists have invented a midget submarine that can touch the bottom of the deepest part of the ocean." Again, shock and disbelief rang through the great meeting hall. An assistant jumped up and whispered in the Japanese Ambassador's ear. He bowed deeply and said, "My deepest apologies, forgive my mistake. Our new submarine can only reach 3 centimeters above the deepest part of the ocean." It was now the French ambassador's turn to make announcement of France's contribution. He stood and looked around, "We in France have been able to develop people that can eat with their noses!" Now the UN meeting was in shock and visible horror that France would play with genetic engineering. "Actually, they eat only 3 centimeters below their noses."
Jokes For Women
Why did god invent men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn
What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? All invented by women.
Dinosaur Puns
What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Beer Puns
I've just invented a new Canadian beer
It's a form of I.P.Eh
History Puns
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Corona Virus Jokes
Corona virus is just like pasta.
The Chinese invented it but the Italians will spread it all over the world.
Guitar Puns
Egyptians claimed to have invented the guitar,
But they were such lyres.
France Puns
Everyone knows the Italians invented pizza but few know that it was perfected by French rebels in nazi occupied France during WWII.
It was the pizza de resistance.
Pick Up Lines
Did you invent the airplane? Because you seem Wright for me!
Oral Hygiene Puns
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
One Liners and Short Jokes
I invented a new word today. Plagiarism.
Who invented the brush they put next to the toilet? That thing hurts!
The guy who invented Systane had his funeral today.
There wasn't a dry eye in the house.
I invented a drink today called ‘the Shutter Island Iced Tea’.
It’s the same as a Long Island Iced Tea, but it has a twist at the end.
Chuck Norris Jokes
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Computer Puns
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
Quotes
The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.
Al Gore
“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”
Demetri Martin
Clever Jokes
The Irish didn't invent vodka because they were slow and not Russian.
Science Puns
DNA editing was invented by Gene Hackman
Funny Work Quotes
“Work is a necessity for man. Man invented the alarm clock."
~ Pablo Picasso
Heard the person who invented the urinals was very young.
He was a whiz kid.
Frankenstein Puns
Dr. Frankenstein: Igor, have you seen my latest invention? It’s a new pill consisting of 50 percent glue and 50 percent aspirin.
Igor: But what is it for?
Dr. Frankenstein: For monsters with splitting headaches.
Funny Summer Quotes
“Let a man walk ten miles steadily on a hot summer’s day along a dusty English road, and he will soon discover why beer was invented.”
- Gilbert K. Chesterton
An Experiment Turned Race
There was a young fellow who was quite inventive and was always trying out new things. One day he thought he'd see just how fast a bicycle could go before it became uncontrollable. He asked his friend, who owned an old Chevelle if he could tie his bike to the bumper of his car to test his theory. His friend said, "Sure." So the young man tied his bike to the back of the car and said to his friend: "I'll ring my bike bell once if I want you to go faster, twice if I want you to maintain speed, and repeatedly if I want you to slow down." With that, off they went. Things were going pretty well, with the car driver slowly speeding up to well over 60 mph. The young fellow on the bike was handling the speed just fine. But, all of sudden, an orange Camaro came up beside them and before you knew it, the fellow driving the Chevelle forgot all about the fellow on the bike and took to drag racing the Chevelle. A little further down the road sat Officer John in his police cruiser, radar gun at the ready. He heard the two cars before his radar flashed 105 mph He called into headquarters on his radio: "Hey, you guys aren't going to believe this, but there's a Camaro and a Chevelle racing out here on Highway 3, and there's a guy on a bike ringing his bell and waving his arms trying to pass them!"
Funny Running Quotes
"If God invented marathons to keep people from doing anything more stupid, the triathlon must have taken him completely by surprise."
P.Z. Pearce
Air Travel Quotes
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.”
- Gil Stern
Math Puns
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/4th.
To the person who invented zero...
Thanks for nothing.
Who invented the Round Table?
Sir Cumference.
Puns
The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week.
There was no coffin at the funeral.
The guy who invented the door knocker got a no-bell prize.
I've invented a machine that prints money.
I programmed it to make coins, but for some reason it keeps printing dollar bills....
It makes no cents.
Snake Puns
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
Sports Puns
Did you know Karl Marx's sister invented the starting pistol?
Her name was Onya Marx.
Hand Puns
The guy who invented the watch must have had a lot of time on his hands
Travel Pick Up Lines
Did you invent the airplane? Cause you seem Wright for me.
Funny Poems For Kids
"The Attraction of Levitation"

“Oh, dear!” said little Johnny Frost,
“Sleds are such different things!
When down the hill you swiftly coast
You’d think that they had wings;

“But when uphill you slowly climb,
And have to drag your sled,
It feels so heavy that you’d think
‘Twas really made of lead.

“And all because an Englishman,
Sir Isaac Newton named,
Invented gravitation, and
Became unduly famed;

“While if he had reversed his law,
So folks uphill could coast,
It seems to me he would have had
A better claim to boast.

“Then coasting would all pleasure be;
To slide up would be slick!
And dragging sleds downhill would be
An awful easy trick!”

– H. G. Paine
The Invention of Yodeling
Many years ago a man was travelling through the mountains of Switzerland. Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night. The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn. As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, "Who is that man going into the barn?" "That fellow is travelling through," said the farmer. "Needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn." The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn. About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing dishevelled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went. The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed. The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left. When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. "How could he leave without even saying goodbye," she cried. "We made such passionate love last night!" "What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, who by now was halfway up the mountain. The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! slept with my daughter!" The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out... "LAIDTHEOLADEETOO!"