What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
A woman tried to order an exotic snake online, but was surprised to find that when the package arrived, it contained only feathered scarves.
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What do you call a Mexican snake?
Hisssspanic.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
"Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a python."
"Oh you can’t get round me like that, you know."
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.