Why was the mother rattlesnake sad?
The time had come for her children to strike out on their own.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
Why should you never throw a snake like a boomerang?
Because it’ll come back to bite you.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
Why are snakes hard to fool?
They have no legs to pull.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What did one python say to the other before they made a deal?
Let’s “snake” on it.
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a plane?
A Boeing constrictor.
What do married snakes have on their bath towels?
Hiss and Hers.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
Did you hear about the snake who wrote a love letter to his girlfriend?
He sealed it with a hiss.
What do you get if you cross a trumpet and a serpent?
A snake in the brass.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
What do you call a snake that informs the police?
A grass snake.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.