What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
Why do owls make such bad baseball players?
Their hits are always fowl.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
Why shouldn’t you tell an owl your secrets?
They’re always talon everyone.
What do you call a smartass bird of prey?
A know it owl.
Where do owls go on their honeymoon?
Their love nest.
Why are owls so good at math?
They excel at owlgebra.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
Why doesn’t an owl study for a test?
They prefer to wing it.
What do you can an owl who's been caught in the act?
A spotted owl.
What does an owl need after having a bath?
A t-owl.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
My wife tried to claim she was a night owl.
She was lying though, because when I tried to turn her head through 270 degrees, her neck snapped.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.