“The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist!”
– Russell Baker
"There is no WiFi in the forest but you will find a better connection."
"If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size 7-day Caribbean cruise."
"Stop worrying about the potholes in the road and enjoy the journey."
– Babs Hoffman
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"Like gum to a shoe, you’re stuck with me and I’m stuck with you."
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
“Forget champagne and caviar – taste the world instead!”
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.
“If you can walk away from a landing, it’s a good landing. If you can use the aircraft the next day, it’s an outstanding landing.”
- Chuck Yeager
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
"There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after vacation."
"You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive."
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
– George Carlin
“Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn’t block traffic.”
– Dan Rather
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
“Babies: cry all flight long. Fall asleep during landing.”
“How did my driving test go? You could say I mailed it!”
"Yeah, working is great… but have you tried traveling?"
“To attract men, I wear a perfume called ‘New Car Interior.'”
– Rita Rudner
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
"Getting out of bed would be 10x easier if there was a Caribbean ocean and 30 degree weather waiting outside for you."
"The devil himself had probably redesigned hell in the light of information he had gained from observing airport layouts."
- Anthony Price
"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city."
– George Burns
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
"I’m getting tired of waking up and not being at the beach."
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
“Patience is something you admire in the driver behind you and scorn in the one ahead.”
— Mac McCleary
“I have found out that there ain’t no surer way to find out whether you like people or hate them than to travel with them.”
– Mark Twain
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
"A road trip is a way for the whole family to spend time together and annoy each other in interesting new places."
– Tom Lichtenheld
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“I need a vacation so long, I forget all my passwords!”
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