“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
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