“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
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