“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
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