"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
Go to BabaMail
