“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
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