"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"I firmly believe the death tax is good for people from all walks of life all throughout our society."
— George W. Bush
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
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