"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"Every culture has some ritual for joining two people together and making them stay that way, and ours is giving tax breaks."
- Bauvard
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
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