“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is I could be just as proud for half of the money."
- Arthur Godfrey
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
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