“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them.”
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax."
- Albert Einstein
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"The income tax created more criminals than any other single act of government."
- Barry Goldwater
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
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