"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"The taxpayer: that's someone who works for the federal government, but doesn't have to take a civil service examination."
- Ronald Reagan
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
"Accountant after reading a nursery rhyme to his child: “No, son. It wouldn't be tax deductible when Little Bo Peep loses her sheep. But I like your thinking."
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
“The tax collector must love poor people, he’s creating so many of them.”
– Bill Vaughan
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
"I guess I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged."
- Roger Jones
"Most entrepreneurs would rather have root canal surgery without anesthesia than go through the nightmare that is tax return preparation."
— Nina Kaufman
"Death, taxes, and childbirth! There's never any convenient time for any of them."
― Margaret Mitchell
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"America is a land of taxation that was founded to avoid taxation."
- Dr. Laurence J. Peter
“The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream”
– Bill Murray
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
“Trying to do your own taxes is like a do-it-yourself mugging.”
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
“Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.”
– Ronald Reagan
"A tax cut to compensate for a tax increase is not a cut — it's a con."
— Tony Abbott
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
“Some taxpayers close their eyes, some stop their ears, some shut their mouths, but all pay through the nose.”
— Evan Esar
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"The only thing that hurts more than paying an income tax is not having to pay an income tax."
— Thomas Dewar
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
“The Government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend upon the support of Paul.”
– George Bernard Shaw
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
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