"Congress can raise taxes because it can persuade a sizable fraction of the populace that somebody else will pay."
- Milton Friedman
“For every tax problem, there is a solution which is straightforward, uncomplicated-and wrong.”
"The term “tax humor” is no doubt an oxymoron to many people; to the more cynical, it is an apt description of the entire tax code."
— John F. Lekel
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents?”
– Peg Bracken
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
“I put all my money into taxes. They’re the only thing that’s sure to go up!”
"The difference between death and taxes is death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
- Will Rogers
"A tax is a fine for doing well, a fine is a tax for doing wrong."
— Mark Twain
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
“Tax day is the day that ordinary Americans send their money to Washington, D.C., and wealthy Americans send their money to the Cayman Islands.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"The politicians say 'we' can't afford a tax cut. Maybe we can't afford the politicians."
— Steve Forbes
"Taxes grow without rain."
- Jewish Proverb
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
"Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today."
- Herman Wouk
“When there’s a single thief, it’s robbery. When there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.”
– Vanya Cohen
"Then there was the man who declared in court, he wasn't a person. "Excuse me, sir, why haven't you paid your taxes." "Well, as you can clearly see, I am not a person." "Well, you look like a person." "No it's all done with mirrors, trust me!"
- Lewis Black
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"Worried about an IRS audit? Avoid what's called a red flag. That's something the IRS always looks for. For example, say you have some money left in your bank account after paying taxes. That's a red flag."
― Jay Leno
"Our party has been accused of fooling the public by calling tax increases 'revenue enhancement'. Not so. No one was fooled."
— Dan Quayle
"An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt."
- Fred Allen
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"There can be no taxation without misrepresentation."
— J.B. Handelsman
“The trouble with the IRS is that 90% of its members give the rest a bad name.”
“If Patrick Henry thought that taxation without representation was bad, he should see how bad it is with representation.”
– Farmer’s Almanac
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
"You know, gentlemen, that I do not owe any personal income tax. But nevertheless, I send a small check, now and then, to the Internal Revenue Service out of the kindness of my heart."
— David Rockefeller
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income."
— Will Rogers
"A person doesn't know how much he has to be thankful for until he has to pay taxes on it."
- Ann Landers
"The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin."
- Mark Twain
"You don't pay taxes ― they take taxes."
― Chris Rock
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
"Day in and day out, your tax accountant can make or lose more money than any single person in your life with the possible exception of your kids."
― Harvey Mackay
[on filing for tax returns] "This is too difficult for a mathematician. It takes a philosopher."
- Albert Einstein
“On my income tax 1040 it says “Check this box if you are blind.” I wanted to put a check-mark about three inches away.”
– Tom Lehrer
“The Taxpayer’s prayer: Oh Mighty Internal Revenue Service, who turneth the labor of man to ashes, we thank thee for the multitude of thy forms which thou hast set before us and for the infinite confusion of thy commandments, which mulitplyth the fortunes of lawyer and accountant alike.”
— Russell Baker
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"The art of taxation consists in so plucking the goose as to obtain the largest amount of feathers with the least amount of hissing."
- Jean-Baptiste Colbert
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey