Once there was a doctor who got shot. He adamantly wanted to perform surgery on himself, despite all of the other surgeons saying that he shouldn't. But he was so insistent that they finally said "Fine, suture self."
An executive reckless and bitter Made a fool of himself via Twitter "Please stop!" they entreated But in answer he Tweeted "If I do they'll call me a quitter!"
A crossword compiler named Moss, Who found himself quite at a loss. When asked, Why so blue? Said, I haven’t a clue I’m 2 Down to put 1 Across.
There was an Old Man of New York, Who murdered himself with a fork; But nobody cried though he very soon died,- For that silly Old Man of New York.
There was an Old Person of Mold, Who shrank from sensations of cold, So he purchased some muffs, Some furs and some fluffs, And wrapped himself from the cold.
How Much Do You Charge?
A man finds himself in need of a good lawyer. He finds one online and goes to his office.
After being allowed inside, he sits across from the lawyer. He needs legal help, but he wants to make sure he can afford it first.
“Can you tell me how much you charge?” he asks.
“Of course,” the lawyer replies, “I charge $800 to answer three questions.”
The man was alarmed. “Don’t you think that’s an awful lot of money to answer three questions?” He inquired.
“Yes it is”, answers the lawyer, “What’s your third question?”
Ben went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law.
One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone.
Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
Ben picked up his rifle, took a swig of whisky, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife said, "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing," said Ben, "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."