Himself

A vampire returned a mirror to my shop the other day. It wasn't faulty or anything, he just said he couldn't see himself using it.
The artist painted himself into a corner, leading to his death.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
My local ice cream man was found dead in his garage covered in strawberry sauce and hundreds and thousands.
Police believe he topped himself.
How Much Do You Charge?
How Much Do You Charge? A man finds himself in need of a good lawyer. He finds one online and goes to his office. After being allowed inside, he sits across from the lawyer. He needs legal help, but he wants to make sure he can afford it first. “Can you tell me how much you charge?” he asks. “Of course,” the lawyer replies, “I charge $800 to answer three questions.” The man was alarmed. “Don’t you think that’s an awful lot of money to answer three questions?” He inquired. “Yes it is”, answers the lawyer, “What’s your third question?”
Out On Family Safari
Out On Family Safari Ben went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. Ben picked up his rifle, took a swig of whisky, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife said, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said Ben, "The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
When a Minotaur considers himself an optimist is it that he sees his glass as half-bull?
Why did the tiger visit the eye specialist after dropping a can of red paint on himself? He saw red.
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
Q: Why was the cherry by himself?
A: Because the banana split.
Daughter's boyfriend introduced himself to me and said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".
He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no, so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said...
"Then why are you shaking?"
I caught my son chewing on an electrical cord...
So I had to ground him. He's conducting himself properly now.
What did the health-nut say to himself at the gym? “No pine, no gain”
Why did the Ghost turn down the job? He could not see himself doing it.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
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