“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” – Sir Claus Moser
“After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.” — Anonymous
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying. – Rita Rudner
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.” –Unknown
“My job is fun! I should change this line once in a while. My brain has started to realize that I am lying to it every morning."
~ Anonymous
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
"Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy."
~ Huey Long
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way."
~ Homer Simpson
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
~ Drew Carey
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” – Phil Pastoreta consultant.” – Scott Adams
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."
~ Erma Bombeck
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“When I was 16 I worked in a pet store, and they fired me because . . . they had three snakes, and one day I braided them.” – Steven Alexander Wright
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
"Everybody makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when no one is looking."
~ Anonymous
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
~ Douglas Adams
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” – Fats Domino
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.” — Homer Simpson
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” – Phyllis Diller
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow.
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it.” — Groucho Marx
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” – Betty Reese
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden."
~ Orson Scott Card
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” – Sam Ewing
“There’s something boring about people who have to go to an office for a living."
~ Karl Lagerfeld
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” – John Ciardi
“We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us."
~ Anonymous
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
“My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.” – Anonymous
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