“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
"It’s bad manners to let vacation wait!"
“Morning will come, it has no choice.”
— Marty Rubin
“A diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.” — Henry Kissenger
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Your body is not a temple, it’s an amusement park. Enjoy the ride.”
― Anthony Bourdain
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning towards sunlight."
- Rita Rudner
“The worst moment today has happened. That was when the alarm went off and I realized it was Monday.”
“Never miss a good chance to shut up.”
Will Rogers
"I am not an early bird or night owl; I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon."
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! It’s the day you forget about all the fighting and division in the world and just focus on all the fighting and division in your family.” — Jimmy Fallon
“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”
- Percy French.
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"Between men and women, there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
- Oscar Wilde
"A survey says that American workers work the first three hours every day just to pay their taxes. So that's why we can't get anything done in the morning: We're government workers."
— Jay Leno
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
“My daughter just lost her first tooth, which is a very sweet moment for a dad. In retrospect, I do regret punching her so hard in the face.”
- Alan Cox.
"A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." — Cher
“On our 6 a.m. walk, my daughter asked where the moon goes each morning. I let her know it’s in heaven, visiting Daddy’s freedom.” – Ryan Reynolds
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are.”
Will Ferrell
"I don't think jogging is healthy, especially morning jogging. If morning joggers knew how tempting they looked to morning motorists, they would stay home and do sit-ups."
Rita Rudner
"I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“Nothing compares to the stomach ache you get from laughing with friends.”
— Unknown
“Having kids makes you look stable to the people who thought you were crazy and crazy to the people who thought you were stable.” – Kelly Oxford
"I never eat November’s snowflakes, I always wait until December.” – Lucy from television show Peanuts
“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.'”
Claude Pepper
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!” — Anonymous
My favorite outdoor activity is the short walk back inside.
"The difference between tax avoidance and tax evasion is the thickness of a prison wall."
– Denis Healey
"Everyone should believe in something. I believe I should be on the beach drinking Margaritas."
“I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.”
― Unknown
"I need summer to be longer so I have more time to do nothing"
“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”
- Julia Roberts.
"There are many challenges to long distance running, but one of the greatest is the question of where to put one’s house keys."
Gabrielle Zevin
"It's amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
- Zig Ziglar
“Failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.”
― Truman Capote
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit."
~ Dwight Morrow
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. -- George Bernard Shaw
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
“No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I’m not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal.”
- Bill Cosby.
“Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time.” — Unknown
Bill Murray
“Do you ever get halfway through eating a horse and go ‘you know, I’m not as hungry as thought I was’?”
"Don’t believe everything you think."
Anonymous
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