“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“Good morning world! Your little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived.”
– Unknown
“Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftover in aluminum foil and throw them out.” —Nicole Hollander
"A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke."
“There is no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
– John Ruskin
“In honor of Hanukkah falling on Thanksgiving, I am going to spend dinner feeling guilty about everything I have to be thankful for.” — Conan O’Brien
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
“My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.”
Jimmy Carter
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“Why can’t the morning news ever say ‘Today has been canceled, now go back to sleep.”
– Unknown
“Summer bachelors like summer breezes, are never as cool as they pretend to be.”
– Nora Ephron
“My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.” — Author Unknown
“An instructor once gave the following cue in yoga class: “Relax your pancreas.” I don’t even know where my pancreas is, never mind how to relax it! I giggled for the rest of the class.” – Mel Farrimond
"A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Imagine if fire extinguishers were full of snow. Imagine the fun we could have.”
– Neil Hilborn
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”
– Prince Philip
“I have never been hurt by what I have not said.”
Calvin Coolidge
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
“Sleeping bags are the most soft tacos of the bear’s world.”
"Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy."
“The U.S. Senate is considering a bill that would tax Botox. When Botox users heard this, they were horrified. Well, I think they were horrified. It’s difficult to tell.”
— Craig Ferguson
“Is it Monday already? I’m almost positive I did not get my entire portion of the weekend.”
“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”
William James
"I prefer not to think before speaking. I like being as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth."
Anonymous
“We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… after I finish laughing.”
— Unknown
“Good mashed potato is one of the great luxuries of life.” —Lindsey Bareham
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
“When life gives you mountains, put those boots and start hiking.”
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“I don’t like when I'm all stress-free and peacefully relaxing on the couch and then, out of nowhere, Monday comes along and punches you right off the couch!”
“If you think I’m funny now, you should see me when I miss Yoga.” — Anonymous
“It’s so simple to be wise. Just think of something stupid to say and then don’t say it.”
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.“
Bill Murray
"Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including yourself."
— Anne Lamott
“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
"I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight."
– Rita Rudner
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous
“How is it possible to have a civil war?”
George Carlin
“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
Carrie Underwood
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
"I don't run a car, have never run a car. I could say that this is because I have this extremely tender environmentalist conscience, but the fact is I hate driving."
- David Attenborough
Go to BabaMail
