“An Aquarius isn’t a rebel with a cause; they are the cause.”
— Jake Register
“A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they’re not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they’re not so bad.”
— Arnold H. Glasgow
Growth takes time. Be patient. And while you’re waiting, pull a weed.
— Emilie Barnes
“How do I like my eggs? In a cake.”
― Unknown
“Where are we? About halfway…to somewhere.”
"Physically I’m here. Mentally I’m in a pool in Bali ordering my third mojito."
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
“Having a child is liking getting a tattoo on your face. You better be committed.”
- 'Eat Pray Love'.
"A truly appreciative child will break, lose, spoil, or fondle to death any really successful gift within a matter of minutes." – Russell Lynes
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
Arnold Schwarzenegger
“Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest.” - Larry Lorenzon
“To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. ” — W.J. Vogel
“I might look like I am listening to you, but in my mind, I am hiking.”
At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
Zach Galifianakis
“I’m not aging, I just need repotting.”
— Anonymous
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown
"If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards." — J.A. Redmerski
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
Montagu's Maxim
“Venice is like eating an entire box of chocolate liqueurs in one go.”
— Truman Capote
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“Mountains have a way of dealing with overconfidence.” – Hermann Buhl
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”—Kathy Mohnke
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly
"I'm so conflicted when my husband does the laundry. On one hand, he did the laundry. On the other, my clothes can now be sold at Gap Kids." - Molly McNearney
“It’s like kids can just smell when you start relaxing.” - Anonymous
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one!”
— C.S. Lewis
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home."
– Robert Orben
"I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand
"I run so my goals in life will continue to get bigger instead of my belly."
Bill Kirby
“Everything goes better with tacos.”
― Rachel Caine
"I’m so old that my blood type is discontinued." - Bill Dane
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
“On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.”
Anonymous
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
“Parenting without a sense of humor is like being an accountant who sucks at math.”
- Amber Dusick.
"Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of 'May Day!'?"
- Rob Knauerhase
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“What’s worth doing is worth doing for money.” –Gordon Gekko (Michael Douglas) Wall Street
“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.” – Unknown
“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”
Jay Leno
"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
“Tomorrow is Thanksgiving! It’s the day you forget about all the fighting and division in the world and just focus on all the fighting and division in your family.” — Jimmy Fallon
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job." – Roseanne Barr
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
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