“SMONDAY: The moment when Sunday stops feeling like a Sunday and the anxiety of Monday kicks in.”
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
- Joan Crawford
“I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx
"Runner's logic: I'm tired. Let me go for a run."
Unknown
“All kidding aside, if everyone did yoga, we would have world peace.” — Rory Freedman
“Last Thanksgiving, I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shotgun going, blam! Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?” —Kenny Rogerson
“Plant carrots in January and you’ll never have to eat carrots.”
— Anonymous
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“It snowed last year too: I made a snowman and my brother knocked it down and I knocked my brother down and then we had tea.”
– Dylan Thomas
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
"For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end." — Catherine Zeta-Jones
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Douglas Adams
"In these difficult times, when so many people are having trouble finding enough to eat, we are extending the “five-second rule” to a full ten seconds."
– Ron Piraro
“After a good dinner, one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.” —Oscar Wilde
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
"I need 6 months of vacation. Twice a year."
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“You define a good flight by negatives: you didn’t get hijacked, you didn’t crash, you didn’t throw up, you weren’t late, you weren’t nauseated by the food. So you are grateful.”
– Paul Theroux
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."
“Welcome, winter. Your late dawns and chilled breath make me lazy, but I love you nonetheless. ” — Terri Guillemets
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
“Even though we’re a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” —Richard Roeper
"People that insist upon drinking and driving, are putting the quart before the hearse."
– Gilbert K. Chesterton
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
“Fact. Pisces is the most wobbly sign of the zodiac.”
— Mary English
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
Money won’t buy happiness, but it will pay the salaries of a large research staff to study the problem.
Bill Vaughan
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“I probably wouldn’t kill so many houseplants if they could scream for food and water the way my pets and children do.”
— Anonymous
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” -Kin Hubbard
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"How do you compare apples and oranges?
By their nutritional value."
- Marshall Elizer
"If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!"
Anonymous
Did anybody ever consider that cannibalism would resolve both overpopulation – and world hunger?
"I don't share blame. I don't share credit. And I don't share desserts"
– Beverly Sills
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan.
“Today’s good mood is sponsored by yoga.” – Unknown
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
- Bob Hope
"You can close your eyes and imagine yourself in a relaxing place. Like on your sofa, not doing yoga."
- Grant Tucke
“It’s my car now, but as soon as it’s fixed, it’ll be my daughter’s again.”
– Jeff Stahler
“Sunshine and happiness go together like fish and chips!”
― Catherine Pulsifer
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not."
— Mark Twain
“When there’s snow on the ground L like to pretend I'm walking on clouds.”
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