“Pizza is like the entire food pyramid!”
― Madeline Oles
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.”—Rory Elder
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”
Dave Barry
"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."
“‘Snow in April is abominable,’ said Anne. ‘Like a slap in the face when you expected a kiss.’” — L.M. Montgomery
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“Yoga instructor just emailed to say class is moved and thanks for our flexibility.” – Unknown
“Misers are no fun to live with, but they make great ancestors.” —Tom Snyder
“I think if we tell people that the brain is an app, they will start using it.”
Anonymous
“I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”
Damien Fahey
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” - Jane Austen, 'Pride and Prejudice'
“Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off.“
Bill Murray
Don’t be distracted by criticism. Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” – Zig Ziglar
“You are one yoga class away from a good mood.” – Unknown
“Boy, those French. They have a different word for everything.”
– Steve Martin
I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
“A snowball in the face is surely the perfect beginning to a lasting friendship.”
– Markus Zusak
"The bravest thing that men do is love women." — Mort Sahl
“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
"If you don’t drink, smoke, or drive a car, you’re a tax evader."
– Thomas S Foley
“Going to work for a large company is like getting on a train. Are you going sixty miles an hour or is the train going sixty miles an hour and you’re just sitting still?” — J. Paul Getty
"Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them."
- Bill Maher
Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
Robert Benchley
“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”—Conan O’Brien
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
Funny Inspirational and Motivational Quotes
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that’s why we recommend it daily.”
Zig Ziglar
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” – Ogden Nash
“Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.”
— Harvey Specter
“I figured out why Uncle Sam wears such a tall hat. It comes in handy when he passes it around.”
— Soupy Sales
"Learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t live long enough to make them all yourself."
~ Anonymous
“I’ve always loved yoga because you get to connect to a deep religious truth while stretching your legs.” — Katya Zamolodchikova
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?”
– Albert Einstein
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.
Andy Borowitz
Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas.
Paula Poundstone
“You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not pizza.”
― Unknown
“I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.”
– Bill Watterson
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
“Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.”
- Marshall McLuhan.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” – Drew Carey
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” —Prince Philip
Go to BabaMail
