“Thanks to yoga, I now gently stretch to conclusions rather than jumping to them.” – Unknown
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” - Jane Austen, 'Pride and Prejudice'
"You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jelly beans."
— Ronald Reagan
“I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.” – Anonymous
"Patience is not a virtue for Aries. The phrase Speak now or forever hold your peace, was probably created by an impatient Aries."
— Dr. Atara
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
"Funny, I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down."
"If we shake out all of the crumbs from all of the keyboards in the world, we can end world hunger."
— Matthew Dolkart
At what age do you think it's appropriate to tell a highway it's adopted?
Zach Galifianakis
“I married for love but the obvious side benefit of having someone around to find my glasses cannot be ignored.”—Cameron Esposito
"A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand."
— Barbara Johnson
“Self-love seems so often unrequited.”
– Anthony Powell
“A little bit of summer is what the whole year is all about.”
– John Mayer
“Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time.” — Unknown
"I want to live in the world where searching for plane tickets burns calories."
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Abraham Lincoln
“I used to work at McDonald’s making minimum wage. You know what thay means? You know what your boss was trying to say? It’s like, ‘Hey if I could pay you less, I would, but it’s against the law.’” – Chris Rock
“Best friends know how crazy you are and still choose to be seen with you in public.”
— Unknown
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
“Whenever I travel with my 4 young kids I always forget something. Like how stupid it is to travel with 4 young kids.”
– Jim Gaffigan
“A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.” —Dave Barry
"Instead of taking the pants off the taxpayer it might be better to take the vest off the vested interests."
— Mark Twain
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
"I crossed a time zone and I feel younger already. If I keep traveling west, I can become immortal."
- Jarod Kintz
“I'm not napping this is savasana.”
- Berndt Vogel
“Thanksgiving dinners take 18 hours to prepare. They are consumed in 12 minutes. Half-times take 12 minutes. This is not a coincidence.” —Erma Bombeck
“Being different is a revolving door in your life where secure people enter and insecure exit.”
— Shannon L. Alder
“I just wanna kick it in the woods with my birches.”
"The philosopher who said that work well done never needs doing over never weeded a garden."
- Ray D. Everson
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“When you’re young, you think your dad is Superman. Then you grow up, and you realize he’s just a regular guy who wears a cape.” – Dave Attell
“Swiss cheese differs from Camembert by better ventilation.”
― Unknown
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
George Carlin
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“But the fact that some geniuses were laughed at does not imply that all who are laughed at are geniuses. They laughed at Columbus, they laughed at Fulton, they laughed at the Wright Brothers. But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown.”
- Carl Sagan
"Nice to be here? At my age it’s nice to be anywhere." – George Burns
“People that cheat on their taxes truly disgust me. This is not the world I want to raise my 27 dependents in.”
“I am responsible for what I say but I’m not responsible for what you understand.”
Anonymous
“The road to success is always under construction.”
“Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories.”
– Deborah Kerr
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
All men are afraid of eyelash curlers; I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.
Rita Rudner
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“When it comes to taxes, there are two types of people. There are those that get it done early, also known as ‘psychopaths’, and then the rest of us.”
– Jimmy Kimmel
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
"I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it."
To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone and a funny bone.
Reba McEntire
Go to BabaMail
