“If there are ice cream trucks in the summer then why aren’t there Starbucks trucks in the winter?”
"It's rude to count people as you pass them. Out loud."
From an Adidas ad
“Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.”
- George Benard Shaw
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
“Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries, has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.” —Ambrose Bierce
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.”- Muhammad Ali
“Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers.”
– George Carlin
“Good humor is a tonic for mind and body. It is the best antidote for anxiety and depression. It is a business asset. It attracts and keep friends. It lightens human burdens. It is the direct route to serenity and contentment.”
Greenville Kleisser
"I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge."
— Unknown
"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."
"Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages."
- H. L. Mencken
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
"Stupidity has a knack of getting its way."
- Albert Camus
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“Monday is a sloppy umbrella day, which makes everybody a little blue.”
– George Leedy
"There are many challenges to long distance running, but one of the greatest is the question of where to put one’s house keys."
Gabrielle Zevin
“Sagittarians are aliens disguised as humans.”
— Ramana Pemmaraju
"Camping is a humanitarian effort to help feed hungry mosquitoes."
- Melanie White
"I'd walk through fire for my best friend. Well, not fire, that would be dangerous. But a super humid room... but not too humid because, you know... my hair."
— Unknown
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“When I was young I thought money was the most important thing in life; now that I’m old, I know it is." ~ Oscar Wilde
“Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving.” —Mike Connolly
"Bury me next to a straight man."
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” – Andy Stanley
“I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it by not dying.”
Woody Allen
“When Chuck Norris does yoga, the sun salutes him.” – Unknown
“Money may not buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Jaguar than on a bus.”
– Francoise Sagan
“I love airports because the rules of society don’t apply. Eat a pizza and have a glass of wine at 7 am while in track pants. Nobody cares.”
Unknown
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
“She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.”- St Elmo's Fire
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner
"Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse."
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” —Rick Reilly
“My nickname is ‘Mom’, but my full name is ‘Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom Mom’.”
Unknown
“Best Friend: One million memories, ten thousand inside jokes, one hundred shared secrets.”
— Unknown
“July is a blind date with summer.”
– Hal Borland
“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”
- Julia Roberts.
“SMONDAY: The moment when Sunday stops feeling like a Sunday and the anxiety of Monday kicks in.”
“I thought I’d become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.”
― Chelsea Handler
“Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftover in aluminum foil and throw them out.” —Nicole Hollander
"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has."
- Will Rogers
“I do yoga to burn off the crazy” — Anonymous
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
“Nurse: handing me a newborn You got this? Me: Sometimes I have to dig through the trash to re-read the instructions for mac ‘n’ cheese” – @mommy_cusses
Go to BabaMail
