“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”
- Julia Roberts.
"Every garden is unique with a multitude of choices in soils, plants and themes. Finding your garden theme is as easy as seeing what brings a smile to your face."
- Teresa Watkins
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.”
George Carlin
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“It’s just another manic Monday. I wish it was Sunday. ‘Cause, that’s my fun day. My, I don’t have to run day.”
— Prince Rogers Nelson
"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."
― Margaret Mead
Claude Pepper
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
“Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.”
– Maxwell Maltz
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”—Lucille Ball
“Trying to be happy by accumulating possessions is like trying to satisfy hunger by taping sandwiches all over your body.”
George Carlin
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“Intaxication: That nice feeling you get when you receive a tax refund until you realize it was your own money in the first place.”
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
Robin Williams
“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.” —George Bernard Shaw
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies."
“Love and sausage are alike. Can never have enough of either.”
— Trixie Koontz
“Do you think I’m crazy? You should see me with my best friend.”
— Unknown
“Hello, Monday! May I ask you a question? Why are you always back so quickly? Don’t you have a hobby?”
“They can't collect legal taxes from illegal money."
— Al Capone
The church is prayer-conditioned. -- Anonymous
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“The reward for good work is more work.” – Francesca Elisia
"Run. Because zombies will eat the untrained ones first."
From the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide
“A little bit of summer is what the whole year is all about.”
– John Mayer
"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… after I finish laughing.”
— Unknown
"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows."
- Doug Larson
“I love you and I treasure you and ya bore me.” - Amy Santiago, 'Brooklyn Nine-Nine'
"Is taco yoga a thing yet? Someone get on that."
- Chisty Lowe
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"I despise the lottery. There’s less chance of you becoming a millionaire than there is of getting hit by a passing asteroid." ~ Unknown
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
"The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired." — Milton Berle
"Show me a man who is a good loser and I’ll show you a man who is playing golf with his boss."
~ Jim Murray
"Wait. Why am I thinking about Krispy Kremes? We're supposed to be exercising."
— Meg Cabot
“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?”
– Robin Williams
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think."
- Dorothy Parker
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
"Staying in bed all day is my way of saving money." ~ Anonymous
"At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom."
— George Carlin
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous
“Take a deep breath and try to relax. I promise – Monday will be over soon.”
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.”
Charlie Chaplin
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.”
Joe Girard
Go to BabaMail
