“If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
Lawrence Ferlinghetti
"Ships at a distance have every man’s wish on board."
- Zora Neale Hurston
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.”
Mark Twain
"Strength is the capacity to break a chocolate bar into four pieces with your bare hands - and then eat just one of the pieces."
— Judith Viorst
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
"The more you know, the dumber you sound to stupid people."
Anonymous
“Can he have this?” With first baby: “Is it organic and homemade?” After second baby: “He can have anything except narcotics and alcohol.” - Unknown
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." – Jackie Mason
“Why can’t the morning news ever say ‘Today has been canceled, now go back to sleep.”
– Unknown
If there were no God, there would be no atheists. -- G. K. Chesterton
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
I don't believe in astrology. The only stars I can blame for my failures are those that walk about the stage.
― Noel Coward
“An addiction to gardening is not all bad when you consider all the other choices in life.”
— Cora Lea Bell
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“You cannot be anything if you want to be everything.”
Solomon Schechter
“Running: Cheaper than therapy.”
-seen on runner’s T-shirt
Jonathan Swift
If at first you don’t succeed . . . so much for skydiving.
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
“Cancers are Moonchildren; totally influenced by the waxing and waning cycles of the Moon. Asking them to remain in one feeling, one mood, or one state of mind is pure insanity.”
— Sherene Schostak
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work."
~ Al Capp
"Start slow, then taper off."
Walt Stack
“Best Friend: One million memories, ten thousand inside jokes, one hundred shared secrets.”
— Unknown
"An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field."
~ Niels Bohr
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“You are as helpful as a blister on a hike.”
"After about 15 years I finally figured out that she's always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that." —Barack Obama
"A man should never plant a garden larger than his wife can take care of."
- T.H. Everett
“Parents of newborn babies are basically hostages in their own house with a severe case of Stockholm Syndrome.”
- Nate Smith.
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know."
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
“When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard”, I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?””
– Sydney Harris
"My mom used to say it doesn’t matter how many kids you have… because one kid will take up 100% of your time so more kids can’t possibly take up more than 100% of your time." - Karen Brown
All my friends complaint about not feeling good, and are freaking out about their lives, and I’m just like, “There’s Yoga pose for that!” — Unknown
“Don’t believe everything fortune cookies tell you. Just because they’re sweet doesn’t mean they’re right.”
― Unknown
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
"I believe that the good Lord gave us a finite number of heartbeats and I'm damned if I'm going to use up mine running up and down a street."
Neil Armstrong
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"If Cinderella’s shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off?"
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.”
Anthony Burgess
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan." — Leopold Fetchner
"Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve nuclear weapons."
- Dave Barry
“Children may be deductible, but they are still taxing.”
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
Go to BabaMail
