"Run like hell and get the agony over with."
Clarence DeMar
"It's funny when people think 'yoga people' are supposed to be calm. No. We're all here because we're nuts." — Unknown
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
"A weed is a plant that has mastered every survival skill except for learning how to grow in rows."
- Doug Larson
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss."
- Robert A. Heinlein
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
“The thing about parenting rules is there aren’t any. That’s what makes it so difficult.”
- Ewan McGregor.
“I love road trips. You get into this Zen rhythm; throw the sense of time out the window.”
– Miriam Toews
“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.” - Phyllis Diller
“I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said, ‘Not yet, but we placed an ad.’”
- Dana Snow.
"Taking a dog named Shark to the beach is a bad idea"
"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire."
~ Cannon’s Law
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." – Bill Cosby
" Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." — Henny Youngman
"Calming the mind is yoga. Not just standing on the head."
- Swami Satchidananda
A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"You get two for the price of one when you are a Gemini."
— Karan Johar
"If only one could tell true love from false love as one can tell mushrooms from toadstools."
- Katherine Mansfield
"It is a good thing that we do not get as much government as we pay for."
- Will Rogers
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” — Red Skelton
“You find out who your real friends are when you’re involved in a scandal.”
— Elizabeth Taylor
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest.
Winston Churchill
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
"It's income tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta."
— Dave Barry
“To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.”
- Ernest Hemingway.
“A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
Eleanor Roosevelt
"Stupidity is a talent for misconception."
- Edgar Allan Poe
“Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.”
Josh Billings
“How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.”
Emo Philips
“To shorten winter, borrow some money due in spring. ” — W.J. Vogel
“I come from a stupid family. During the Civil War, my great uncle fought for the west!”
Rodney Dangerfield
“Did you nap after eating the Thanksgiving meal? Or did you pass out like you were shot by a tranquilizer gun?” — Jim Gaffigan
“It's easy to find out who is going to become a tax collector. In the nursery, give all the kids lemons. The one who squeezes it dry is going to work for the IRS.”
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week."
~ H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
"Start slow, then taper off."
Walt Stack
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
“Having children is like living in a frat house — nobody sleeps, everything s broken, and there’s a lot of throwing up.”
- Ray Romano.
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"Remember, the second most important thing to choosing the right shoe is choosing the left one."
Unknown
“My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.”
Jimmy Carter
“Best Friend: One million memories, ten thousand inside jokes, one hundred shared secrets.”
— Unknown
“I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.”
Rodney Dangerfield
“Yoga class helps me calm down from the agonizing stress of trying to get to yoga class on time.” — Unknown
“Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.”
― Unknown
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
"There is no worse tyranny than to force a man to pay for what he does not want merely because you think it would be good for him."
- Robert A. Heinlein
Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
Bernard M. Baruch
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