"Old age is like a plane flying through a storm. Once you are aboard there is nothing you can do about it." - Golda Meir
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
“Ah, summer, what power you have to make us suffer and like it.”
-Russell Baker
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
“What is your favorite day of the week, and why it is your favorite day of the week? Mine is Tuesday because that means Monday is gone.”
This is the sort of English up with which I will not put.
Winston Churchill
“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.” – Unknown
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.”
- Albert Einstein
“Having those weird conversations with your friend and thinking “if anyone heard us, we’d be put in a mental facility.”
— Unknown
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?”
– Milton Berle
"We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle."
- Winston Churchill
“Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.”
— Unknown
“Imagine if fire extinguishers were full of snow. Imagine the fun we could have.”
– Neil Hilborn
"The best way to garden is to put on a wide-brimmed straw hat and some old clothes. And with a hoe in one hand and a cold drink in the other, tell somebody else where to dig."
- Texas Bix Bender, Don't Throw in the Trowel
“Anyone who has time for drama is not gardening enough”
— Anonymous
“No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.” – @simoncholland
“Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.”
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
"In the morning a man walks with his whole body; in the evening, only with his legs."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
"I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks." — Steve Martin
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“If you know how many cupcakes I’m holding behind my back I’ll give you both of them.”
― Unknown
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
“Mountains have a way of dealing with overconfidence.” – Hermann Buhl
"Good things come slow. Especially in distance running."
Bill Dellinger
“I am convinced digestion is the great secret to life.”
Sydney Smith
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“Dear Mondays, I really think that you should take a holiday. Believe me, no one will even miss you.”
“Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or not; or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?”
— J.R.R. Tolkien
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“If I was elected president, the first thing I would do would be to eliminate all Mondays and lengthen the weekend one more day.”
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
– Erma Bombeck
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder!”
Anonymous
"The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time."
― Joe Girard
“Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.” — Anonymous
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
"The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office."
~ George Bernard Shaw
"It's rude to count people as you pass them. Out loud."
From an Adidas ad
“How many God-fearing, tax-paying, law-abiding men in Las Vegas does it take to light a bonfire? Both of them.”
"Alcohol may be man's worst enemy but the Bible says to love your enemy."
- Frank Sinatra
“Having a child is liking getting a tattoo on your face. You better be committed.”
- 'Eat Pray Love'.
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
“By the time you’re 80 years old you’ve learned everything. You only have to remember it.” - George Burns
“Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.”
Will Rogers
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me... they're cramming for their final exam. -- George Carlin
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes.”
— Mick Jagger
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.”
― Charles M. Schulz
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
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