“Money isn’t the most important thing in life, but it’s reasonably close to oxygen on the “gotta have it” scale." ~Zig Ziglar
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
“Never make your favorite song the alarm for Monday morning; you’ll hate it for years.”
"Carbs are the answer. No matter the question."
— Unknown
“The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter.”
-Dave Barry
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.”
— Douglas Adams
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
No man ever believes that the Bible means what it says. He is always convinced that it says what he means. -- George Bernard Shaw
"Pollen- when flowers can't keep it in their plants"
"Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's motorized garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one."
- Dave Barry
“Fact. Pisces is the most wobbly sign of the zodiac.”
— Mary English
“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”
Tina Fey
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
"Children are a great comfort in your old age- and they help you reach it faster too." – Lionel Kauffman
“To make a difference in someone’s life you don’t have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect you just have to care enough and be there.”
— Unknown
“Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.”
- Elbert Hubbard
“Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world, but they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they’re born, and they start using sleep deprivation to break you.”
- Ray Romano.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
"If cigarette taxes are meant to discourage smoking, wouldn’t income taxes discourage working?"
“There are only two seasons – winter and Baseball.” – Bill Veeck
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
“Education is what remains after one has forgotten what one has learned in school.”
Albert Einstein
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” – Thomas Edison
“What on earth would I do if four bears came into my camp? Why, I would die of course. Literally sh** myself lifeless.” – Bill Bryson
"Better to keep silent and let people think you are a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."
- Abraham Lincoln
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“Coworkers are like Christmas lights. They hang together, half of them don’t work and the other half aren’t so bright.” – Anonymous
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.” —Jay Leno
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.”
Dalai Lama
“Sometimes when I close my eyes, I can’t see.”
"People drink on cruises so that they think the swaying is normal."
“This is the first year I’m not going to Fiji because of COVID-19. Normally, I do not go because I am poor.”
— Brooke Miller
“Happy Thanksgiving!!! Or as I like to call it: Cheat Day.” — Hugh Jackman
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
"Alexander Hamilton started the U.S. Treasury with nothing and that was the closest our country has ever been to being even."
- Will Rogers
"I figure that if the children are alive when I get home, I’ve done my job." – Roseanne Barr
“Sorry for what I said before I yoga-ed.” – Unknown
“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”
- Julia Roberts.
“Bring a compass. It’s awkward when you have to eat your friends.”
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.
Robert Benchley
"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass."
Martin Mull
"Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet."
Unknown
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