“Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?”
- Alyson Hannigan.
“I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane, and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.”
- Reese Witherspoon.
"Parenting is basically just listening to yourself talk because nobody else is." - Unknown
“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”
- Jodi Picoult.
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons
“Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.”
- Marshall McLuhan.
“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone
“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”
- Percy French.
“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.” – Unknown
“Never underestimate a child’s ability to get into more trouble.”
- Martin Mull.
“Becoming a mom to me means that you have accepted that for the next 16 years of your life, you will have a sticky purse.”
- Nia Vardalos.
"So I stepped away for like two seconds…” – the beginning of every parenting horror story." — Anonymous
“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
"The first 40 years of parenthood are always the hardest." – Unknown
“How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?”
- Michael, ‘Three Men And A Baby.’
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
“The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.” – @ramblinma
“Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own.”
—Doug Larson
"Parenthood: That state of being better chaperoned than you were before marriage." – Marcelene Cox
“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”
- Julia Roberts.
“Raising kids is part joy and part guerrilla warfare.”
- Ed Asner.
"Children aren’t happy without something to ignore, and that’s what parents were created for." – Ogden Nash
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