“Diaper backward spells repaid. Think about it.”
- Marshall McLuhan.
“Once you sign on to be a mother, 24/7 is the only shift they offer.”
- Jodi Picoult.
"It is amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snowblower, or vacuum cleaner." – Ben Bergor
“Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.”
- David Frost.
"If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland." – Dave Barry
“The fastest land mammal is a toddler who’s been asked what’s in their mouth.” – @ramblinma
"Parenthood is a lot easier to get into then out of." – Bruce Lansky
“12 weeks old: when your kid is young enough to fall asleep on your chest, yet long enough to kick you in the nuts at the same time.” – Lin-Manuel Miranda
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
“It just occurred to me that the majority of my diet is made up of the foods that my kid didn’t finish.”
- Carrie Underwood.
"When your “mom voice” is so loud even the neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed." - Unknown
“I thought I’d never be that annoying person, but as soon as Winnie was born, I was showing iPhone snaps to a cab driver.”
- Jimmy Fallon.
"Children are a great comfort in your old age- and they help you reach it faster too." – Lionel Kauffman
“My mother’s menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.” – Buddy Hackett
“Parenting is a constant battle between going to bed to catch up on some sleep or staying awake to finally get some alone time.” — Anonymous
"If your kids are giving you a headache, follow the directions on the aspirin bottle, especially the part that says, keep away from children." – Susan Savannah
“I think being a good father is keeping the mother happy so she doesn’t drive the kids crazy.”
- James, ‘Look Who’s Talking.’
“No one is full of more false hope than a parent bringing a chair to the beach.” – @simoncholland
"Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare." - End Asner
“Ugh it’s so hot!’…gets hit by two drops of pool water ‘splash me again and I’ll donate all your toys.’”
- Salty Mermaid.
“Adults are always asking children what they want to be when they grow up because they’re looking for ideas.” —Paula Poundstone
“Why don’t kids understand their nap is not for them, but for us?”
- Alyson Hannigan.
“A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”
- Erma Bombeck.
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