"I live in a mad house run by a tiny army that I made myself." — Anonymous
“Sending your kids to summer camp teaches them important life lessons... like, ‘You can deal with your problems by sending them to summer camp.’”
- Ari Fishbein.
"I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home." – Robert Orben
“Parenting is a constant battle between going to bed to catch up on some sleep or staying awake to finally get some alone time.” — Anonymous
“All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Parenthood…it’s about guiding the next generation and forgiving the last.”
- Peter Krause.
“Sooner or later we all quote our mothers." – Bern Williams
“To be a successful father there’s one absolute rule: when you have a kid, don’t look at it for the first two years.”
- Ernest Hemingway.
“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.”
- Dorothy Parker.
"The truth is that parents are not really interested in justice. They just want quiet." – Bill Cosby
“Parenting Tip: If your child is crying, hold it close and whisper, 'You don’t have a clue what horrors this world holds.'”
- Rob Delaney.
“Being a mom means kids banging on the bathroom door like SWAT, asking for a drink, while you’re in the shower. And Dad is in the kitchen.” – @SarcasticMommy4
“I would have made a terrible parent. The first time my child didn’t do what I wanted, I’d kill him.”
- Katherine Hepburn.
“Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them about responsibility for 24-36 hours”
- Conan O’Brien.
“It’s like kids can just smell when you start relaxing.” - Anonymous
“The easiest way to teach children the value of money is to borrow some from them." — Anonymous
"I love when my kids tells me they’re bored. As if the lady standing in front of a full sink of dirty dishes is where you go to get ideas about how to have a good time." – Unknown
“I never realized how annoying I could be until I created a miniature version of myself and started arguing with it daily.” — Anonymous
“I’ve noticed that one thing about parents is that no matter what stage your child is in, the parents who have older children always tell you the next stage is worse.”
- Dave Barry.
“Usually the triumph of my day is, you know, everybody making it to the potty.”
- Julia Roberts.
“90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.” - Anonymous
“When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.”
- Nora Ephron.
"Some children threaten to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going." – Phyllis Diller
“Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can, and hold our breath, and hope we’ve set aside enough money to pay for our kids’ therapy.”
—Michelle Pfeiffer
“Mother Nature is providential. She gives us twelve years to develop a love for our children before turning them into teenagers.”
- William Galvin.
"When your “mom voice” is so loud even the neighbors brush their teeth and get dressed." - Unknown
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is because they have a common enemy.” - Anonymous
"Parenting is basically just listening to yourself talk because nobody else is." - Unknown
“I have just returned from a children’s party. I’m one of the survivors.”
- Percy French.
“I thought I’d never be that annoying person, but as soon as Winnie was born, I was showing iPhone snaps to a cab driver.”
- Jimmy Fallon.
“You want to know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”
- Jim Gaffigan.
“The only thing that kids wear out faster than shoes is their parents.”
- John J. Plomp.
“You can tell what was the best year of your father’s life because they seem to freeze that clothing style and ride it out.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“I used to believe my father about everything, but then I had children myself and now I see how much stuff you make up just to keep yourself from going crazy.”
- Brian Andreas.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.” —Rodney Dangerfield
“Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.” – Red Buttons
“If you like people who do stupid sh#t all the time, become a parent." – Kelly Oxford
“It’s weird, all those parenting books my wife made me read, and not one ever hinted that I’d have to remind my son not to touch the dog’s butthole.”
- Jr. Williams.
“A child is a curly dimpled lunatic." – Ralph Emerson
“Went to Disneyland because my daughter’s obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.”
- Ryan Reynolds.
“Think of stretch marks as pregnancy service stripes.”
– Joyce Armor.
“A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.” —Dave Barry
“A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.”
- Maurice Johnston.
“I love cleaning up messes I didn’t make. So I became a Mom.” – Unknown
“12 weeks old: when your kid is young enough to fall asleep on your chest, yet long enough to kick you in the nuts at the same time.” – Lin-Manuel Miranda
“Never have more children than you have car windows.”
- Erma Bombeck
“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.”
- Paul Reiser.
“Your typical six-year-old is a paradoxical little person.”
- Louise Bates Ames.
Go to BabaMail
