“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
“Money is the opposite of the weather. Nobody talks about it, but everybody does something about it.” – Rebecca Johnson
“Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with." ~From a Washington Post word contest
"If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars." ~ J. Paul Getty
“He who marries for love without money has good nights and sorry days.” – Anonymous
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow." ~ Martin Sheen
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for plastic surgery." ~ Joan Rivers
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
“My formula for success is rise early, work late and strike oil.” JP Getty.
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
"Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. Do you know why dogs have no money? .. No Pockets." ~ Jerry Seinfeld
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“If you pay peanuts, you get monkeys” – James Goldsmith
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” – Robert Orben
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
“When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money.” – Artemus Ward
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy you the kind of misery you prefer." ~Author Unknown
"I am having an out-of-money experience." ~ Anonymous
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
“The economy depends about as much on economists as the weather does on weather forecasters." ~Jean-Paul Kauffmann
“People are living longer than ever before, a phenomenon undoubtedly made necessary by the 30-year mortgage." ~Doug Larson
“I’m so poor I can’t even pay attention." ~Ron Kittle
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“Carpe per diem – seize the check.” – Robin Williams.
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
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