"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
“People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.” ~ Joan Rivers
“If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.” —Dorothy Parker
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.” —Franklin P. Adams
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
"Money without brains is always dangerous." ~ Napoleon Hill
"Money doesn’t change you. It reveals who you are when you no longer have to be nice." ~ Tim Ferriss
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
“Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." ~J. Paul Getty
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
“If there is a WILL, there are 500 relatives.” – Anonymous
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can’t get killed by a blank?” — Milton Berle
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
"We live by the golden rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~ Unknown
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“What’s your favorite childhood memory? Not paying bills.” – Anonymous
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
“If you owe the bank $100 that’s your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that’s the bank’s problem.” -JP Getty.
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
“I am not worried about the deficit. It is big enough to take care of itself." ~ Ronald Reagan
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“Money and women. They’re two of the strongest things in the world. The things you do for a woman you wouldn’t do for anything else. Same with money.” — Satchel Paige
“No matter how hard you hug your money, it never hugs back.” — H. Jackson Brown Jr.
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.” —Phyllis Diller
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
"Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to go shopping." ~ Bo Derek
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“Money’s only something you need in case you don’t die tomorrow.” – Carl Fox (Martin Sheen)Wall Street
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