“Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” -Henny Youngman
“Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.”— Will Rogers
"The safe way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your pocket." ~ Kin Hubbard
“I’m spending a year dead for tax reasons.” Douglas Adams.
"Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due." ~Author Unknown
"They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it." ~ Joseph Addison
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white… the only color that really matters is green.” – Family Guy
"Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it." ~ William Somerset Maugham
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“When people ask me if I have any spare change, I tell them I have it at home in my spare wallet.”-Nick Arnette
“I am having an out of money experience." ~Author Unknown
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
"Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?" ~ John Barrymore
“Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.” —Addison H. Hallock
“Someone asked me why women don’t gamble as much as men do, and I gave the commonsensical reply that we don’t have as much money. That was a true and incomplete answer. In fact, women’s total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage.” – Gloria Steinem
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“I’m tired of hearing about money, money, money, money, money. I just want to play the game, drink Pepsi, wear Reebok.” — Shaquille O’Neal
"Most people work just hard enough to not get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit." ~ George Carline
"It’s easy to meet expenses, everywhere we go, there they are." ~ Anonymus
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
“The best way you hurt rich people is by turning them into poor people” – Billy Ray Valentine (Eddie Murphy) Trading Places
“Waking your kids up for school the first day after a break is almost as much fun as birthing them was.” - Jenny McCarthy
“If all the economists were laid end to end, they’d never reach a conclusion." ~George Bernard Shaw
“A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way. ~Mark Twain
“In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.” –Tony Montana (Al Pacino) Scarface
“Economists report that a college education adds many thousands of dollars to a man’s lifetime income – which he then spends sending his son to college.” — Bill Vaughn
“All I ask is the chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.” Spike Milligan.
"If hard work were such a wonderful thing, surely the rich would have kept it all to themselves." ~ Lane Kirkland
“Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy beer." ~ Gary Reilly
“Women prefer men who have something tender about them – especially the legal kind." ~Kay Ingram
“It’s amazing how fast later comes when you buy now!” — Milton Berle
"Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” ~ Benjamin Franklin
“The only reason I made a commercial for American Express was to pay for my American Express bill.” Peter Ustinov.
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“Business is the art of extracting money from another man’s pocket without resorting to violence." ~Max Amsterdam
"I’ve done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not." ~ Fran Lebowitz
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
"Don’t stay in bed unless you make money in bed." ~ George Burns
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.” – Rita Rudner
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“The poor have more children, but the rich have more relatives.” – Unknown
“A bargain is something you can’t use at a price you can’t resist.”- Franklin Jones.
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“Money doesn’t solve all problems but it could solve my money problem.” – Anonymous
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