"Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy." ~ Groucho Marx
"Ah, yes, divorce… A Latin word meaning to rip out a man’s genitals through his wallet." ~ Robin Williams
“Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn’t expect to be paid back." ~Author Unknown
"Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate." ~ Mark Twain
“People say money is not the key to happiness, but I have always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.”—Joan Rivers
“If there is anyone to whom I owe money, I’m prepared to forget it if they are.” - Errol Flynn
“If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it." ~Author Unknown
“Money is something you have to make in case you don’t die.” Max Asnas.
“Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.” — Steven Wright
“Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." ~ Herbert Hoover
“October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. Other dangerous months are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.” Mark Twain
“There’s a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It’s called marriage” — James Holt McGavran
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“We live by the Golden Rule. Those who have the gold make the rules." ~Buzzie Bavasi
“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason“I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.” -Jackie Mason
“Money isn’t everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children." ~ J. Paul Getty
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one." ~George Gobel
“All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy." ~ Spike Milligan
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“It’s money. I remember it from when I was single” — Billy Crystal
“It doesn’t matter how low the dollar will go, I will always bend down and pick it up.” ~ Anonymous
“You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.”- Josh Billings
“They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.” Joseph Addison.
“This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” – Earl Wilson
“Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today." ~ Herman Wouk
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“If only God would give me a clear sign, like making a large deposit in my swiss bank account." ~ Woody Allen
“Cocaine is God’s way of saying you’re making too much money.” – Robin Williams
“I’m so naive about finances. Once my mother mentioned an amount and I realized I didn’t understand, she had to explain, ‘That’s like three Mercedes.’ Then I understood.” – Brooke Shields
"I’m so poor I can’t pay attention." ~ Ron Kittle
“Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody.” – Benjamin Franklin
“The trick is to stop thinking of it as ‘your’ money.” – IRS auditor
"If all the rich people in the world divided up their money among themselves, there wouldn’t be enough to go around." ~ Christina Stead
“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be” — unknown
“Money often costs too much." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Budget: a mathematical confirmation of your suspicions." ~A.A. Latimer
"Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." ~ Will Smith
“The waste of money cures itself, for soon there is no more to waste." ~M.W. Harrison
“Money can’t buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." ~ Spike Milligan
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money." ~ Henny Youngman
“To make a million, start with $900,000.” - Morton Shulman.
“There were times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.” -Spencer Tracy quotes
“Carpe per diem – seize the check.” – Robin Williams.
“You fool! You’re 30 cents away from having a quarter!” –Sweet Dick Willie (Robin Harris)Do the Right Thing
“I made my money the old-fashioned way. I was very nice to a wealthy relative right before he died” — Malcolm Forbes
“I owe much; I have nothing; the rest I leave to the poor.” - Francois Rebelais
“Money isn’t everything, but it’s a long way ahead of what comes next.” - Edmund Stockdale
“Undermine the entire economic structure of society by leaving the pay toilet door ajar so the next person can get in free.” - Taylor Meade
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune: go there with a large one." ~ Jack Yelton
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