“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”—Conan O’Brien
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
"You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” - Rey Woodman
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass." - Mac MacGuff in Juno
“She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.”- St Elmo's Fire
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
"Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." —Donatella in Letters to Juliet
“Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner—just so they can have the last word.”—Janet Periat
"Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun." —Stephanie Ortiz
“Marriage is a difficult project. When seven years have passed and all your body’s cells have been replaced, you’re meant to experience that seven-year itch.”
—Yoko Ono
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes, I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’”—Michelle Obama
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.” - Wendy Liebman
“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”—Ogden Nash.
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
“The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” —Rick Reilly
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” - Phyllis Diller
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” — Cher
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” - Jenny Seinfeld
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