“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
“Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.” - George Burns
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…”—Kristen Bell
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
"Don't make love by the garden gate - love is blind, but the neighbours ain't." - Anonymous
"A good marriage is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." - Anonymous
“The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” —Rick Reilly
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass." - Mac MacGuff in Juno
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson
"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Anonymous
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" - Jean Illsely Clarke
“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” — Raymond Hull
"Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." —Donatella in Letters to Juliet
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
"Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married." — Anonymous
“My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” - Henry Youngman
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” —Erma Bombeck
"Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun." —Stephanie Ortiz
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!” —Bill Maher