"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Anonymous
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” —Henny Youngman
“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.”—Elbert Hubbard
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…”—Kristen Bell
"Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married." — Anonymous
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield
"The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him." — Oscar Wilde
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
“An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.”—Agatha Christie.
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” - Molly McGee
“My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” - Henry Youngman
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous
“A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked! I’m gonna do that from now on, when that rarely happens.”
— LeAnn Rimes
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”—Groucho Marx
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status.”—Anonymous
“The best thing to ever happen to marriage is the pause-live-TV button.” —Rick Reilly
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”—Kathy Mohnke
“Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.” —Erma Bombeck
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn
“No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” - Homer Simpson
“Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.” —Phyllis Diller
“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”—Mae West
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart
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