"After about 15 years I finally figured out that she's always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that." —Barack Obama
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” —Henny Youngman
"Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
“Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.”—Rory Elder
“If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota
"Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one." — Mae West
“Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.”
— Neil Simon
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” - Phyllis Diller
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” - Groucho Marx
“Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner—just so they can have the last word.”—Janet Periat
"In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…”—Kristen Bell
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” - Tim Allen
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
“Never get married in college; it’s hard to get a start if a prospective employer finds you’ve already made one mistake.”—Elbert Hubbard
“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” — Marilyn Monroe
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” - Lily Tomlin
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