“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” — Marilyn Monroe
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
“Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” —Jay Trachman
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” - Lily Tomlin
“We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.” —Henry Youngman
"Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them." - Anonymous
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” - Molly McGee
"After about 15 years I finally figured out that she's always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that." —Barack Obama
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”—Benjamin Franklin
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
“My husband and I have never considered divorce… murder sometimes, but never divorce.”—Dr. Joyce Brothers
“No, please, don’t eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!” - Homer Simpson
“Marriage: sometimes soulmates, sometimes cellmates.”—Rory Elder
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” — Cher
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass." - Mac MacGuff in Juno
"Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." —Donatella in Letters to Juliet
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
"In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg
“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson
“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” - Rita Rudner
"A good marriage is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." - Anonymous
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”—Ogden Nash.
"Don't make love by the garden gate - love is blind, but the neighbours ain't." - Anonymous
" Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." — Henny Youngman
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
“Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.”
— Neil Simon
“Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one.”—Mae West
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” - Phyllis Diller
"For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end." — Catherine Zeta-Jones
“Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.” — Ambrose Bierce
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”—Kathy Mohnke
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”—George Bernard Shaw
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes, I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’”—Michelle Obama
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
“Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-Rays, but you know it’s there.” - George Burns
“Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure, you do more before five than most folks do all day.”— Sinbad
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield
"Being a good husband is like being a standup comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
"Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets." - Joginder Singh
“Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.” - Natasha Leggero
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