“A good friend just told me that the key to a successful marriage was to argue naked! I’m gonna do that from now on, when that rarely happens.”
— LeAnn Rimes
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”—Ogden Nash.
“Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.”
— Neil Simon
"You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” - Rey Woodman
“I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” - Groucho Marx
"Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets." - Joginder Singh
“Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?”—Groucho Marx
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass." — Rodney Dangerfield,
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”—George Bernard Shaw
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly
"Everyone is born equal in life, until they get married." — Anonymous
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” - Jenny Seinfeld
“The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.” —Anne Bancroft
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” —Prince Philip
“The most important four words for a successful marriage: ‘I’ll do the dishes.’”—Anonymous
"After about 15 years I finally figured out that she's always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that." —Barack Obama
“Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure, you do more before five than most folks do all day.”— Sinbad
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
“If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota
“My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” - Henry Youngman
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
“Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards.”—Benjamin Franklin
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
“She is the only evidence of God I have seen, with the exception of the mysterious force that removes one sock from the dryer every time I do my laundry.”- St Elmo's Fire
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
"Don't make love by the garden gate - love is blind, but the neighbours ain't." - Anonymous
“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.” — Rita Rudner
“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
“Many a man in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.” —Stephen Leacock
“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.” - Sigmund Freud
“In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice which is still very much practiced.” —Helen Rowland
"I love my husband, but no matter where we are, I make him sleep closest to the door so if anything happens, he gets murdered first." — Jessica Valenti
“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!” —Bill Maher
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” — Cher
“Marriage is a difficult project. When seven years have passed and all your body’s cells have been replaced, you’re meant to experience that seven-year itch.”
—Yoko Ono
"Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one." — Mae West
“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” - Rita Rudner
“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” — Marilyn Monroe
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
“A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.” - Tim Allen
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney
“Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner—just so they can have the last word.”—Janet Periat
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" - Jean Illsely Clarke
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn
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