"Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun." —Stephanie Ortiz
"A happy marriage is a long conversation which always seems too short." — Andre Maurois
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may now change your Facebook status.”—Anonymous
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney
“To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you’re wrong, admit it; whenever you’re right, shut up.”—Ogden Nash.
“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.”—Richard Lewis
“Marriage is our last, best chance to grow up.” - Joseph Barth
“Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.” - Jenny Seinfeld
“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson
“Just found out the wife is writing a book about our honeymoon, called ’50 Shades of Just O.K.’”—Conan O’Brien
“My advice to you is get married: If you find a good wife you’ll be happy; if not, you’ll become a philosopher.” —Socrates
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
"Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." —Donatella in Letters to Juliet
“My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.” — Rodney Dangerfield
“My wife dresses to kill, she cooks the same way.” - Henry Youngman
“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”—Rita Rudner
“Many people spend more time in planning the wedding than they do in planning the marriage.” —Zig Ziglar
"Husbands are like fires - they go out when unattended." - Zsa Zsa Gabor
“If you love ’em in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love ’em at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.” - Miles Davis
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” - Phyllis Diller
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.” —Henny Youngman
“All marriages are happy. It’s the living together afterward that causes all the trouble.” — Raymond Hull
“Before marriage, a girl has to make love to a man to hold him. After marriage, she has to hold him to make love to him.” — Marilyn Monroe
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.” - Kathy Mohnke
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
"After about 15 years I finally figured out that she's always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that." —Barack Obama
“Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure, you do more before five than most folks do all day.”— Sinbad
“If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota
"It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass." — Rodney Dangerfield,
"Because I always say, if you're married for 50 years, and 10 of them are horrible, you're doing really good!" —Michelle Obama
“Marriage is a difficult project. When seven years have passed and all your body’s cells have been replaced, you’re meant to experience that seven-year itch.”
—Yoko Ono
“Never criticize your spouse’s faults; if it weren’t for them, your mate might have found someone better than you.” —Jay Trachman
"I love my husband, but no matter where we are, I make him sleep closest to the door so if anything happens, he gets murdered first." — Jessica Valenti
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
"A good marriage is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." - Anonymous
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass." - Mac MacGuff in Juno
"Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed." — Albert Einstein
“When you see a married couple walking down the street, the one that’s a few steps ahead is the one that’s mad.”―Helen Rowland
“We were married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.” —Henry Youngman
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.”—Lily Tomlin
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.” —Rod Stewart
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” - Lily Tomlin
"Getting married is like trading the adoration of many for the sarcasm of one." — Mae West
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" - Jean Illsely Clarke
"Marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park." - Anonymous