"After about 15 years I finally figured out that she's always right. So surprisingly we just stopped fighting after that." —Barack Obama
"In every good marriage, it pays sometimes to be a little deaf." — Ruth Bader Ginsburg
“Remember that creating a successful marriage is like farming: you have to start over again every morning.” —H. Jackson Brown, Jr
“Marriage is not just spiritual communion; it is also remembering to take out the trash.”—Joyce Brothers
"My wife had us register for fine china, because you never know when the Pope is going to swing by and want a microwaved hot dog on a $200 plate." — Jim Gaffigan
“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should just live next door and visit now and then.”—Katherine Hepburn
"Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you. The right person is still going to think the sun shines out of your ass." - Mac MacGuff in Juno
“I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?”—Jean Illsley Clarke
“When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life.”—Richard Lewis
“Always get married in the morning. That way if it doesn’t work out, you haven’t wasted the whole day.”—Mickey Rooney
“When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” —Prince Philip
"You are a smart cookie. A wise chocolate cake. A brilliant pancake.” - Rey Woodman
“Some mornings I wake up grouchy. Other mornings I just let him sleep.”—Unknown
“Only married people can understand how you can be miserable and happy at the same time." —Chris Rock
“Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.”—George Bernard Shaw
“I’d like to publicly thank my husband [Dax Shepard] for changing half the diapers in our house. I hope he changes all of mine one day…”—Kristen Bell
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then marry him.” — Cher
“If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question.” - Lily Tomlin
"Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets." - Joginder Singh
“Marriage is like vitamins: we supplement each other’s minimum daily requirements.”—Kathy Mohnke
“If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.” - Sigmund Freud
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" - Jean Illsely Clarke
"Husbands are like wine, they take a long time to mature." —Donatella in Letters to Juliet
“If you want to be sure that you never forget your wife’s birthday, just try forgetting it once.” —Aldo Cammarota
“Marriage is an attempt to solve problems together which you didn’t even have when you were on your own.”—Eddie Cantor
"A good marriage is where each partner secretly suspects they got the better deal." - Anonymous
“I married beneath me, all women do.”
—Nancy Astor
“Before I got married, I had six theories about raising children; now I have six children and no theories.”—John Wilmot
“I am a very committed wife. And I should be committed, too—for being married so many times.” —Elizabeth Taylor
“Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what’s more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?”—Dennis Miller
“Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” - Phyllis Diller
"Don't make love by the garden gate - love is blind, but the neighbours ain't." - Anonymous
"For marriage to be a success, every woman and every man should have her and his own bathroom. The end." — Catherine Zeta-Jones
“Husbands and wives are irritating. But without them, who would we blame for misplacing our socks?”—Janet Periat
“I’m going to get married again because I’m more mature now, and I need some kitchen stuff.”—Wendy Liebman
“Any intelligent woman who reads the marriage contract, and then goes into it, deserves all the consequences.” — Isadora Duncan
“One of the keys to a successful marriage is separate bathrooms. When he enters my bathroom sometimes, I’m like, ‘Why are you in here?’ And he’s like, ‘I live here. Can I enjoy my bathroom too?’”—Michelle Obama
“All men make mistakes, but married men find out about them sooner.” — Red Skelton
“The definition of eternity is two people and a ham.”—Dorothy Parker
“They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake.” — Alexander Pope
“Husband secretly lowers the thermostat and I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it. Marriage is fun.”—Stephanie Ortiz
“If you want to know how your girl will treat you after marriage, just listen to her talking to her little brother.” — Sam Levenson
“Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is the bicycle repair kit.”- Billy Connolly
“Take care of him. And make him feel important. And if you can do that, you’ll have a happy and wonderful marriage. Like two out of every ten couples.”
— Neil Simon
"Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning." — Clint Eastwood,
“Why do married people live longer than single people? I think it’s because married people make a special effort to live longer than their partner—just so they can have the last word.”—Janet Periat
“When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there’s a reason.” - Molly McGee
“You know there is a name for people who are always wrong about everything all the time... Husband!” —Bill Maher
“In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.” - Rita Rudner
“Marriage is work. Marriage is a career. It's not an adventure, you do more before five than most folks do all day.”— Sinbad
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