"A girl can wait for the right man to come along but in the meantime that doesn’t mean she can’t have a wonderful time with all the wrong ones." — Cher
"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on." — Joan Rivers
“I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.” — Mindy Kaling
"My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning."
- Ray Romano
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one." – Fran Lebowitz
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
"I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed." — Dave Attell
"True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." Mindy Kaling
"Give your relationship attention like you would a plant. You have to water it every day and give it sunshine. So put your man out in the sun and spray him with a hose."
- Whitney Cummings.
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
"I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."
- Steven Wright
"When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two-and-a-half days of your life."
- Richard Lewis
“It’s the 21st century. I don’t need an alpha male to protect me. I don’t need a big, strong man to fight off a tiger. I need a geek who can get my naked photos off the cloud.” — Whitney Cummings
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby."
- Natalie Wood.
"I went home with this French guy ’cause he said something adorable, like, ‘I have an apartment.’" — Amy Schumer
"Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship." ― Sharon Stone
"A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
"Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position." — Christopher Marlowe
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