"Love thy neighbor, just watch out for thy husband." - Unknown
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"If you love someone set them free. If they come back, set them on fire."
- George Carlin
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” - Jenny Han, 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before'
"I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met."
- Steven Wright
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
"I went out with a guy once who told me I didn’t need to drink to make myself more fun to be around. I told him, 'I’m drinking so that you’re more fun to be around.'"
- Chelsea Handler
"Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage."
- Ambrose Bierce
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
"People should fall in love with their eyes closed."
- Andy Warhol
"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't."
- Victor Borge
"Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one." – Fran Lebowitz
"Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore." — Bree Luckey
"You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps." - Roseanne Barr
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” - Jane Austen, 'Pride and Prejudice'
"I love you in a way that's nauseating to others."
- Unknown
"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books." — Alan King
"Love is a lot like a toothache. It doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there."
- George Burns.
"You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
“Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women; a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom.” - Jerry Seinfeld
"There is nothing better for the spirit or the body than a love affair. It elevates the thoughts and flattens the stomach." — Barbara Hower
"I don't remember, you looking any better... But then again, I don't remember you."
- John Mayer, 'Who Says'
"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
"The bravest thing that men do is love women." — Mort Sahl
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
- Bob Hope
"What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."
- Cindy Garner.
"If love is the answer, could you please re-phrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin
"Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell."
- Joan Crawford
"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke." - Lynda Barry
"I was on a date with this really hot model. Well, it wasn’t really a date-date. We just ate dinner and saw a movie. Then the plane landed." — Dave Attell
“Surely Sylvia swims!” shrieked Sammy surprised. “Someone should show Sylvia some strokes so she shall not sink.”
"They say true love hides in every corner. I must be walking in circles." - Unknown
"True love is singing karaoke 'Under Pressure' and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part." Mindy Kaling
"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X rays, but you know it's there." George Burns
"I love you with all my belly. I would say my heart, but my belly is bigger." - Unknown
“I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.” — Mindy Kaling
“I just want to be friends. Plus a little extra. Also, I love you.” - Dwight Schrute, 'The Office'
"It wasn't love at first sight. It took a full five minutes." Lucille Ball
"Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." — Jules Renard
"It's fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything." Lew Schneider
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" Jean Illsley Clarke
"Give your relationship attention like you would a plant. You have to water it every day and give it sunshine. So put your man out in the sun and spray him with a hose."
- Whitney Cummings.
"True love comes quietly, without banners or flashing lights. If you hear bells, get your ears checked." — Erich Segal
"Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing." — Helen Rowland
"Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it." — Phyllis Schlafly
"Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jules Renard
"I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." — Chico Marx
"Whenever someone asks me to define love, I usually think for a minute, then I spin around and pin the guy's arm behind his back. Now who's asking the questions?" — Jack Handy
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.