"I love you with all my belly. I would say my heart, but my belly is bigger." - Unknown
"If love is the answer, could you please re-phrase the question?"
- Lily Tomlin
“A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” - Jane Austen, 'Pride and Prejudice'
“It’s the 21st century. I don’t need an alpha male to protect me. I don’t need a big, strong man to fight off a tiger. I need a geek who can get my naked photos off the cloud.” — Whitney Cummings
"Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight." – Phyllis Diller
"I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth." — Chico Marx
"Love is an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties." - Jules Renard
"Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener."
- Pauline Thomason
"If you want to read about love and marriage, you’ve got to buy two separate books." — Alan King
"The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby."
- Natalie Wood.
"The problem with life is, by the time you can read women like a book, your library card has expired." — Milton Berle
“I was like, 'Am I gay? Am I straight?' And I realized... I'm just slutty. Where's my parade?” — Margaret Cho
"Love is being stupid together." - Paul Valery
"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry." — Rita Rudner
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan."
- Leopold Fechner.
“I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies.” — Mindy Kaling
"There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." - Chris Rock
"My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." Garry Shandling
"Between men and women, there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship."
- Oscar Wilde
"Remember, beneath every cynic there lies a romantic, and probably an injured one." — Benjamin Franklin
“A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.” - Phyllis Diller
"If she happens to fall, I’ll be there to laugh at first and then help her up afterwards." — J.A. Redmerski
"All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt." Charles M. Schulz, creator of Peanuts
"When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own." — Lenore Coffee
"My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan." — Leopold Fetchner
"Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one." – Fran Lebowitz
"My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield
"Sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, but then I remember I put up with you, so we're even." - Unknown
"Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache."
- Mae West
“I didn’t fall for you, you tripped me!” - Jenny Han, 'To All the Boys I've Loved Before'
"I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" Jean Illsley Clarke
"I asked my dad once, ‘How did you and Mum stay married for 33 years?’ And he said, ‘Well, we never wanted to get divorced at the same time.'"
- Gwyneth Paltrow
"Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love." — Albert Einstein
“The secret to a long marriage is to stay gone.” - Dolly Parton
"Love is a two-way street constantly under construction."
- Carroll Bryant.
"Give your relationship attention like you would a plant. You have to water it every day and give it sunshine. So put your man out in the sun and spray him with a hose."
- Whitney Cummings.
"Oh, here's an idea: Let's make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine's Day. That's not weird at all." - Jimmy Fallon
"It's fun to complain with someone. Nothing brings us together more than complaining about other people. That might be the thing that holds us together more than anything." Lew Schneider
"So you see, my son, there is a very fine line between love and nausea." - King Jaffe Joffer, 'Coming to America'
"My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning."
- Ray Romano
"Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X rays, but you know it's there." George Burns
I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here."
- Stephen Bishop
"Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe." – Jackie Mason
"People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy."
- Bob Hope
"Money can’t buy love, but it improves your bargaining position." — Christopher Marlowe
"A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished."
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
"As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: you can be right or you can be happy."
- Ralphie May
"I love you more than coffee but not always before coffee." - Unknown
"What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds."
- Cindy Garner.
"Love is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand." - Unknown
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