"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"If you're using two-pound weights, how did you even open the door to the gym?"
- Dave Attell
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
“Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches.”
Unknown
"Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge"- Don Kardong
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown