"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, 'Ah, guess I'm not watching TV. I'm not gonna take two steps and turn it on myself. I'll go to the gym if I'm going to work out.'"
- Jim Gaffigan.
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"I only workout, because I really really like donuts."
- Unknown
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
“It’s bizarre that the [grocery store] produce manager is more important to my children’s health than the pediatrician.”
Unknown
"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity." - Edgar Allen Poe