"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died." —Erma Bombeck
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
"I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward." - John Mortimer
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing." —Redd Foxx
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol."- Steven Write
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"The word aerobics came about when the gym instructors got together and said, 'If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it jumping up and down'" - Rita Rudner
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises."
- Neil Armstrong.
"A hospital is no place to be sick." —Samuel Goldwyn
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." — Unknown
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“Never eat more than you can lift.”
Miss Piggy
"How many psychologists does it take to change a light bulb? Just one, but it takes nine visits." - Author unknown
"When I feel like exercising I just lie down until the feeling goes away."
- Robert M. Hutchins.
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
"If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself." —Mickey Mantle
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
“Avoid any diet that discourages the use of hot fudge.”
Tom Waits
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"Some people would fall in or out of love with you if you lose or gain a few kilos."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away, But if the doctor is cute forget the fruit.”
Sammie
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