"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd druther not." - Mark Twain
"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number ou get in a diamond"- Mae West
"Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." —Dave Barry
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
"Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?" —George Carlin
"Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon." - Doug Larson
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Toml
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"Doctors are always working to preserve our health and cooks to destroy it, but the latter are the more often successful." - Denis Diderot
“I don’t deserve a Songwriters Hall of Fame Award. But fifteen years ago, I had a brain operation and I didn’t deserve that, either. So I’ll keep it.”
Don Kardong.
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“I like long walks especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Fred Allen
"Red meat is not bad for you. Now blue-green meat, that's bad for you!" - Tommy Smothers
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living. It's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities." - Dr. Seuss
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounding yourself with ass****s." - William Gibson
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Anywhere is walking distance if you have got the time.”
Steven Wright
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
"Half the modern drugs could well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them." - Martin H. Fischer
"Older people shouldn't eat health food. They need all the preservatives they can get." —Robert Orben
"Eating words has never given me indigestion." —Winston Churchill
"If it weren't for the fact that the TV set and the refrigeratir are so far apart, some of us wouldn't get any exercise at all"- Joey Adams
"I am dying with the help of too many physicians." —Alexander the Great
"I have to exercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."
- Marsha Doble
“It’s a bit unnerving That doctors call what they do practice.”
Unknown
“The only exercise I’ve done this month is running out of money"
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"If your doctor's last name is Google, it's time to get a second opinion…" - Toni Bernhard, J.D.
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet." - Rodney Dangerfield
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"We pay our gym membership for the permission to exercise in the gym, not for the owner(s) of the gym to exercise for us."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana.
"If you want to know the correct way to perform an exercise, the answer is: Whatever hurts most."
- Jason Love.
"My doctor recently told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already." —Milton Berle
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” —Redd Fox
“I have to excercise in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing."- Marsha Doble.
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it." —Lily Tomlin
"I go to the gym three days a week. You have to or else - I don't want to be the guy that dies shoveling snow."
- Douglas Coupland
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
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