"Every time I hear the dirty word 'exercise' I wash my mouth out with chocolate!"
- Unknown.
“I have removed all the bad food from my house, it was delicious.”
"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined." - Samuel Goldwyn
"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor"- Joan Rivers
"Men make use of their illnesses at least as much as they are made use of by them." - Aldous Huxley
"It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like." —Jackie Mason
“I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.”- Erik Satie
"My own prescription for health is less paperwork and more running barefoot through the grass." - Leslie Grimutter
"The trouble with always trying to preserve the health of the body is that it is so difficult to do without destroying the health of the mind." - G.K. Chesterton
"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." —Woody Allen
"I will never break up with my gym. We just seem to workout."
- Unknown.
"I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures." - Robert Benchley
"I consider my refusal to go to the gym today as resistance training ."
- Immortal Souls.
"Health is merely the slowest way someone can die."
"If the poor overweight jogger only knew how far he had to run to work off the calories in a crust of bread he might find it better in terms of pound per mile to go to a massage parlor."
- Christiaan Barnard
"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"- Albert Schweitzer
"To cease smoking is the easiest thing I ever did. I ought to know because I've done it a thousand times." —Mark Twain
"I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me"- Fred Allen.
"A bad cold wouldn't be so annoying if it weren't for the advice of our friends." - Kin Hubbard
"I quit therapy because my analyst was trying to help me behind my back." - Richard Lewis
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
"To lose weight, spend time at the gym. To appear like you've lost weight, spend time with people who are bigger than you."
- Mokokoma Mokhonoana
“Excercise? I thought you said extra fries.”
"My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit."
- Phyllis Dille
“Anorexia is a disease not a fashion statement.”
Brooke
“I tried every diet that was in the book, I tried some that weren’t in the book. I tried eating the book. It tasted better than most of the diets.”
Dolly Parton
"I enjoy a glass of wine each night for its health benefits. he other two are for my witty comebacks and flawless dance moves"
"Food is an important part of a balanced diet." —Fran Lebowitz
"My inner advisor is dying to heal me." - Astrid Alauda
"When future archaeologists dig up the remains of California, they're going to find all of those gyms, their scary-looking gym equipment, and they're going to assume that we were a culture obsessed with torture."
- Douglas Coupland
“Half the modern could drugs well be thrown out the window, except that the birds might eat them.”
Unknown
“Fond of doctors, little health, Fond of lawyers, little wealth.”
Proverb
"Sometimes the appropriate response to reality is to go insane." - Philip K. Dick
"The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you're not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back"- Franklin P. Jones
"Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away." —Robert Orben
"How sickness enlarges the dimension of a man's self to himself!"- Charles Lamb
"I can't believe we got grades in gym class. I've never used anything I learned in there."
- Jim Gaffigan
“The trouble with jogging is that by the time you realize you are not in shape for it, its too far to walk back.”
Andy Rooney
"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"- Julia Child
"I don't get why people pay to exercise in a gym when it's free to not exercise."
- Bridger Winegar
"The best abs exercise is five sets of stop eating so much..."
– Lazar Angelov
“Eating words has never given me indigestion.”
Unknown
"I can sympathize with people's pains but not with their pleasures. There is something curiously boring about somebody else's happiness." - Aldous Huxley
"Sometimes I get the feeling the aspirin companies are sponsoring my headaches." - V.L. Allineare
"I've always enjoyed poor health." —Taylor Caldwell
"Let's have a moment of silence for all those Americans who are stuck in traffic on their way to the gym to ride the stationary bicycle."
- Earl Blumenauer.
"Warning... I'm exercising, eating right and watching my alcohol intake... which means I'm sober, I'm cranky and I'm sore, so proceed with caution!"
“All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.” —Alexander Woollcott
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
"Many so-called spiritual people, they overeat, drink too much, they smoke and don't exercise. But they do go to church every week and pray 'Please help my arthritis. Please help me bring up my strength, make me young again.'"
- Jack LaLanne
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