"A man's only as old as the woman he feels."
"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
"Either he's dead or my watch has stopped."
"I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it."
"Go, and never darken my towels again."
"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and you're probably watching the wrong channel."
"Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!"
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
"Room service? Send up a larger room."
"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."
"Behind every successful man is a woman; behind her is his wife."
"Bury me next to a straight man."
"Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does."
"Funny, I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down."
"Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse."
"I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
"Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted."
"I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."
"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract."
"I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it."
"If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again."
"I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course."
"And I want to thank you for all the enjoyment you've taken out of it."
"Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him."
"Humor is reason gone mad."
"Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?"
"Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does."
"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."
"Before I speak, I have something important to say."
"Women should be obscene and not heard."
"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
"Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough."
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."
"There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, 'Yes,' you know he is a crook."
Go to BabaMail
