“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“The best babysitters, of course, are the baby’s grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida.”—Dave Barry
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.