“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Everyone knows that if you’ve got a brother, you’re going to fight.”—Liam Gallagher
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”—Buddy Hackett
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson