"Families are like fudge ... mostly sweet with a few nuts." - Unknown
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“Respect your parents. These guys pay for your internet.”—Unknown
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“Parents must get across the idea that “I love you always, but sometimes I do not love your behavior.”—Amy Vanderbilt
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.”—George Burns
“I think a dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it.”
- Mary Karr
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish