“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“Having a family is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain.”
- Martin Mull.
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“What brothers say to tease their sisters has nothing to do with what they really think of them.”—Esther Friesner
“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
“If your family tree does not fork, you might be a redneck.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“It’s not easy being a mom. If it were easy, fathers would do it.”—Betty White
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga