“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“If minutes were kept of a family gathering, they would show that “Members not Present” and “Subjects Discussed” were one and the same.”
- Robert Brault
“I think the family is the place where the most ridiculous and least respectable things in the world go on.”
- Ugo Betti
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them." - George Bernard Shaw
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“As a child, my family’s menu consisted of two choices take it or leave it.”
- Buddy Hacket
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell“Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.”
- Gracie Allen
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“Grandmas don’t just say “that’s nice”—they reel back and roll their eyes and throw up their hands and smile. You get your money’s worth out of grandmas.”—Unknown
“Every generation revolts against its fathers and makes friends with its grandfathers.”—Lewis Mumford
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
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