“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat.”
- Anna Quindlen
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.”—Prince William
“Family is just accident...They don’t mean to get on your nerves. They don’t even mean to be your family, they just are.”
- Marsha Norman
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“If you don’t annoy your big sister for no good reason from time to time, she thinks you don’t love her anymore.”—Pearl Cleage
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Home, nowadays, is a place where part of the family waits till the rest of the family brings the car back.”
- Earl Wilson.
“A man’s womenfolk, whatever their outward show of respect for his merit and authority, always regard him secretly as an ass, and with something akin to pity.”
- H. L. Mencken.
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“What strange creatures brothers are!”—Jane Austen
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
“The advantage of having only one child is that you always know who did it.”
- Erma Bombeck.
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
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