“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.”—Charlotte Gray
“Teach your kids to spend more time annoying each other so they have less time to spend annoying you.”—Unknown
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.”
- Erma Bombeck
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”—Henny Youngman
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“Your basic extended family today includes your ex-husband or ex-wife, your ex’s new mate, your new mate, possibly your new mate’s ex and any new mate that your new mate’s ex has acquired.”
- Delia Ephron
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance—waiting for the bathroom.”—Bob Hope
“I realized my family was funny because nobody ever wanted to leave our house.”
- Anthony Anderson
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife.”
- Rodney Dangerfield.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
"Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space." - Evan Esar
“Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.”
- Douglas Adams.
“The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy.”—Sam Levenson
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
“To a small child, the perfect grandad is unafraid of big dogs and fierce storms but absolutely terrified of the word “boo”.—Robert Breault
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.”—Pam Brown
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now, and we don’t know where the heck she is.”—Ellen DeGeneres
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
“Family ties mean that no matter how much you might want to run from your family, you can’t.”—Unknown