“The more you’re loving and understanding, the more your kids will sing.”
- Maxime Lagacé
"In some families, 'please' is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was 'sorry.'" - Margaret Laurence
“I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.”—Phyllis Diller
“Mother-daughter disagreements were, in hindsight, basically mother stating the truth and daughter taking her own sweet time coming around.”—Barbara Delinsky
“My friends and family always thought I was pretty funny, but I don’t know if they thought I was get-my-own-show funny.”
- Nick Kroll
“Never let an angry sister comb your hair.”
- Patricia McCann
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold.”—Ogden Nash
“My dad used to say, ‘Always fight fire with fire.’ Which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.”—Harry Hill
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”—Wayne Huizenga
“Family is a blessing. Just keep saying that when you are irritated by something a family member says.”
- Marcelina Hardy
“Older siblings: the only people who will pick on you for their own entertainment and beat up anyone else who tries.”—Unknown
“The advantage of growing up with siblings is that you become very good at fractions.”
- Robert Brault
“My father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.”—Spike Milligan
“My family is really boring. They have a coffee table book called Pictures We Took Just to Use Up the Rest of the Film.”
- Penelope Lombard.
“From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.”
- Jarod Kintz
“Some family trees bear an enormous crop of nuts.”
- Wayne H
“It’s funny how your parents tell you it’s their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too.”—Unknown
"The greatest thing in family life is to take a hint when a hint is intended and not to take a hint when a hint isn’t intended.”
- Robert Fros
“Children really can brighten up a house, because they never turn the lights off.”
- Ralph Bus.
"Grandchildren don’t make a man feel old, it’s the knowledge that he’s married to a grandmother that does." - J. Norman Collie
“A mother becomes a true grandmother the day she stops noticing the terrible things her children do because she is so enchanted with the wonderful things her grandchildren do.”—Lois Wyse
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
“It was nice growing up with someone like you—someone to lean on, someone to count on…someone to tell on!”—Unknown
"In the family sandwich, the older people and the younger ones can recognize one another as the bread. Those in the middle are, for a time, the meat." - Anna Quindlen
“Being part of a family means smiling for photos.” –Harry Morgan
“There is no worse parent than an unhappy parent!”
― Rossana Condoleo
“Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something.”—Lemony Snicket, Horseradish
"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold." - Ogden Nash
“Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops.”
- Cary Grant.
“One would be in less danger, from the wiles of the stranger, if one’s own kin and kith, were more fun to be with.”
- Ogden Nash
“I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.”
- Rodney Dangerfield
“Have you ever noticed how parents can go from the most wonderful people in the world to totally embarrassing in three seconds?”—Rick Riordan, The Red Pyramid
“Every family is dysfunctional, whether you want to admit it or not.”
- Shailene Woodley.
“The great advantage of living in a large family is that early lesson of life’s essential unfairness.”
- Nancy Mitford
“Grandparents are there to help the child get into mischief they haven’t thought of yet.”—Gene Perret
“Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern…like bad wallpaper.”
- Friedrich Nietzsche.
“When I was ten, my family moved to Downer’s Grove, Illinois. When I was twelve, I found them.”
- Emo Phillips.
“In a household of toddlers and pets, we discover this rule of thumb about happy families, that they are least two-thirds incontinent.”
- Robert Brault.
“It’s especially hard to admit that you made a mistake to your parents, because, of course, you know so much more than they do.”—Sean Covey, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective Teens
“Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry.”
- Jerry Seinfeld
“I don’t have to look up my family tree, because I know that I’m the sap.”—Fred Allen
"When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them.”
- George Bernard Shaw
“Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children.”
- Sam Levenson
“Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family.”—Chelsea Handler
“Family life is a bit like a runny peach pie, not perfect but who’s complaining?”
- Robert Brault.
“I love playing a dad. It’s hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.”
- Peter Gallagher
"If you don't believe in ghosts, you've never been to a family reunion." - Ashleigh Brilliant
“I know family comes first, but shouldn’t that mean after breakfast?”
- Jeff Lindsay.
“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”—George Bernard Shaw
“The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.”—George Carlin
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