“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“In LA we get coyotes in our garbage cans. Coyotes are just like my relatives. They go out in pairs, they whine at night, and they go anywhere there’s food."
- Billy Crystal
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
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