“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.”
- Mary Bly.
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“Anytime you see a turtle up on top of a fence post, you know he had some help."
- Alex Haley
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“God in his wisdom made the fly, And then forgot to tell us why.”
- Ogden Nash.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“Dogs laugh, but they laugh with their tails.”
- Max Eastman.
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
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