“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."
- Marilyn Monroe
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job.”
- George Carlin.
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“No matter how much cats fight, there always seem to be plenty of kittens." - Abraham Lincoln
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
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