“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.”
- Mark Twain.
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“If you eliminate smoking and gambling, you will be amazed to find that almost all an Englishman’s pleasures can be, and mostly are, shared by his dog.”
George Bernard Shaw
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know."
- Groucho Marx
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
"The cow is of the bovine ilk: One end is moo, the other, milk."
- Ogden Nash
“The best way to get a puppy is to beg for a baby brother—and they will settle for a puppy every time.”—Winston Pendelton
“People teach their dog to sit; it’s a trick. I’ve been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.”—Mitch Hedberg
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“We’ve all done this because we’re so mature. You see a cow on the side of the road, stick your head out the window and go, “Mooooo!” Like we expect the cow to think, “Hey, there’s another cow, driving that car! How can he afford that?”
- Garry Shandling.
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
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