“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that basically, dogs think humans are nuts.”
- John Steinbeck.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“I take my pet lion to church every Sunday. He has to eat.”
- Marty Pollio.
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“A hen is just an egg’s way of making another egg.”
- Weird Science.
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Groucho Marx
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” —Robert Benchley
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“The best thing about animals is that they don’t talk much.”
- Thornton Wilder.
“Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.”
- Corey Ford.
“You know why fish are so thin? They eat fish.
- Jerry Seinfeld"
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“Size isn’t everything. The whale is endangered, while the ant continues to do just fine.”
- Bill Vaughan.
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
- Groucho Marx.
“Beaver do better work than the Corps of Engineers.”
- Mike Todd.
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“When gorillas are sleeping, you can hide a bunch of raisins in their fur, and then they’ll have an exciting treat the next day."
- Guy Endore Kaiser
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“The more excited the rooster gets, the higher his voice goes. He’s got a little bit of a Barney Fife quality to him.”
- Jeff Foxworthy.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“If dogs could talk, it would take a lot of fun out of owning one.” —Andrew A. Rooney
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