“Cats have a scam going – you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away; that’s the deal.”
- Eddie Izzard.
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.”
- Sue Murphy.
“Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then giving Fido only two of them.”
- Phil Pastoret.
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“My fashion philosophy is if you’re not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.”
- Elayne Boosler.
“Lots of people talk to animals... Not very many listen though... that's the problem.”
― A.A. Milne.
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“It’s just the most amazing thing to love a dog, isn’t it? It makes our relationships with people seem as boring as a bowl of oatmeal.”—John Grogan
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“There’s no need for a piece of sculpture in a home that has a cat.”
- Wesley Bates.
“Perhaps one reason we are fascinated by cats is because such a small animal can contain so much independence, dignity, and freedom of spirit. Unlike the dog, the cat’s personality is never bet on a human’s. He demands acceptance on his own terms.”
- Lloyd Alexander.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“Man is an animal that makes bargains: no other animal does this - no dog exchanges bones with another.”
- Adam Smith.
“Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.” —Jeff Valdez
“My dog is a half pit bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip!”
- Craig Shoemaker.
“All of the animals except for man know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it.”
- Samuel Butler..
“You can always tell about somebody by the way they put their hands on an animal.”
- Betty White.
“Dogs have boundless enthusiasm but no sense of shame. I should have a dog as a life coach.”
- Moby.
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“My favorite animal is steak."
- Fran Lebowitz
“Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.”
- Franklin P. Jones.
“Saw a chameleon today so I'm assuming it wasn't a very good one." - Unknown Author
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“In order to maintain a well-balanced perspective, the person who has a dog to worship him should also have a cat to ignore him.” —Peterborough Examiner, Canada
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation."
- Fran Lebowitz
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“My friend was attacked by a duck. I yelled “duck!” to warn him, but it just made it worse.”
- Kelkulus.
“As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.”—Jean Ferris
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“The happiness of the bee and the dolphin is to exist. For man, it is to know that and to wonder at it.”
- Jacques Yves Cousteau.
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Some of our greatest historical and artistic treasures we place with curators in museums; others we take for walks.”—Roger Caras
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“Always remember, a cat looks down on man, a dog looks up to man, but a pig will look man right in the eye and see his equal.”
- Sir Winston Churchill.
“Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant.”—John Peer
“In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this.”
- Terry Pratchett.
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
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