"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen."
- John Steinbeck.
“I find that ducks’ opinion of me is greatly influenced by whether I have bread."
- Mitch Hedberg
“To my mind, the only possible pet is a cow. Cows love you… They will listen to your problems and never ask a thing in return. They will be your friends forever. And when you get tired of them, you can kill and eat them. Perfect.”
Bill Bryson
“It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”—Rodney Dangerfield
“If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you; but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warm.”
- Alfred North Whitehead.
“No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.”
- Kin Hubbard.
“After scolding one’s cat one looks into its face and is seized by the ugly suspicion that it understood every word. And has filed it for reference.”
- Charlotte Gray.
“A cat is a puzzle for which there is no solution.”
- Hazel Nicholson.
“A dog is one of the remaining reasons why some people can be persuaded to go for a walk.”—Orlando Aloysius Battista
“Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.”
- Ann Landers.
“Three rebels against the light: the thief, the adulterer, and the bat.”
- Hebrew Proverb.
“I’m stuck between “I need to save money.” and “You only live once.”” – Anonymous
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them’s making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
- Jerry Seinfeld.
“You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’”—Dave Barry
“If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.”—Charles Yu
“If I'm ever being chased by a giraffe I'm gonna run into a place with low ceiling fans. Sorry, giraffe, but I gotta do what's best for me."
- Amber Tozer
“I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.”
Winston Churchill
“Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it." ~ David Lee Roth
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
- Sigmund Freud
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.”
- Andy Rooney.
“Never break a promise to an animal. They're like babies—they won't understand.”
― Tamora Pierc
“If you’re a zebra being chased by a lion, maybe just stop in front of a giant bar code?”
- Guy Endore-Kaiser.
“Always respect Mother Nature. Especially when she weighs 400 pounds and is guarding her baby.”
- James Rollins.
“The household cat is really a tiger that has underwent three counselling programs.”
- Valeriu Butulescu.
“Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: the mailman is not to be trusted.”—Sian Ford
“A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.”—Helen Thomson
“Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.”—John Grogan
“Animals may be our friends, but they won’t pick you up at the airport."
- Bobcat Goldthwait
“Time spent with cats is never wasted.”
Sigmund Freud
“My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.” ~ Unknown
“Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”
Jerry Seinfeld
“Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid."
- Mark Twain
“Once when I was golfing in Georgia, I hooked the ball into the swamp. I went in after it and found an alligator wearing a shirt with a picture of a little golfer on it.”
- Buddy Hackett.
“They say that love is more important, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?” – Anonymous
“The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.”
- Charles De Gaulle.
“What does a snail say when he rides on the back of a turtle?
“Whee!”
- Will Durst
“I admit opening an alligator petting zoo was not the best idea, but I told the kids to be careful so there’s plenty of blame to go around.”
- John Lyon.
“Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.” – Winston Churchill
“There are two times in a man’s life when he should not speculate: when he can’t afford it, and when he can.” – Mark Twain
“If owl parties aren't called hootenannies, this world will never make sense again."
- Reverend Badger
“When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away, then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.”—Kristan Higgins
“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."
Ben Williams
“The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree." - Steven Alexander Wright
“If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.”
- Mark Twain.
“Our perfect companions never have fewer than four feet.”
- Colette.
“The only reason a great many American families don't own an elephant is that they have never been offered an elephant for a dollar down and easy weekly payments."
- Mad Magazine
“My relationships with my cats have saved me from a deadly, pervasive ignorance.”
- William S. Burroughs.
“The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.”
- Ambrose Bierce.
“I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.”
- Jarod Kintz.
“A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well—almost.”—Charlotte Gray
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