"People ask me what I’d most appreciate getting for my eighty-seventh birthday. I tell them, a paternity suit." - George Burns
"To get back to my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable." - Oscar Wilde
"At my age ‘getting lucky’ means walking into a room and remembering what I came in for." - Unknown
"In childhood, we yearn to be grown-ups. In old age, we yearn to be kids. It just seems that all would be wonderful if we didn’t have to celebrate our birthdays in chronological order." - Robert Brault
"I don't do alcohol anymore—I get the same effect just standing up fast." - Anonymous
"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened." - Jennifer Yane
"You know you are getting old when everything hurts, and what doesn’t hurt doesn’t work." - Hy Gardner
"Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once." - Dave Barry
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
"We don’t grow older, we grow riper." - Pablo Picasso
"Thirty-five is a very attractive age. London society is full of women of the very highest birth who have, of their own free choice, remained thirty-five for years." - Oscar Wilde
“Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative.” – Maurice Chevalier
"Regrets are the natural property of grey hairs." - Charles Dickens
"Wisdom doesn’t necessarily come with age. Sometimes, age just shows up all by itself." - Tom Wilson
"Old age is always fifteen years older than I am." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"At fifty, everyone has the face he deserves." - George Orwell
“Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.” – Will Rogers
"There is still no cure for the common birthday." - John Glenn
"If I’d known I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself." - Anonymous
"Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." - Truman Capote
"Life seems to fade our memory, so on this birthday I will forget yours if you forget mine!" - Kate Summers
"Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you." - Ogden Nash
“The older I get, the better I used to be.” – Lee Trevino
"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus, he does not believe in Santa Claus, he is Santa Claus." - Bob Phillips
"Gray hair is God’s graffiti." – Bill Cosby
"You know you’re getting old when you can pinch an inch on your forehead." - John Mendoza
"You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks." - Joel Plaskett
"I've never known a person who lives to be 110 who is remarkable for anything else." —Josh Billings
"Men do not quit playing because they grow old—they grow old because they quit playing." - Oliver Wendell Holmes
"As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can't remember the other two." - Sir Norman Wisdom
"The first sign of maturity is the discovery that the volume control also turns to the left. - Jerry M. Wright
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
"Everything slows down with age, except the time it takes cake and ice cream to reach your hips." - John Wagner
"At age 20, we worry about what others think of us… at age 40, we don’t care what they think of us… at age 60, we discover they haven’t been thinking of us at all." - Ann Landers
"When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old." - Mark Twain
"The years between 50 and 70 are the hardest. You are always being asked to do things, and yet you are not decrepit enough to turn them down." - T.S. Elliot
"There’s a reason why forty, fifty, and sixty don’t look the way they used to and it’s not because of feminism, or better living through exercise. It’s because of hair dye." Nora Ephron
"Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese." – Billie Burke
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns
"I can honestly say I love getting older. Then again, I never put my glasses on before looking in the mirror." - Cherie Lunghi
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